November 2005

For some reason, this article made me grin. Clearly, the turkeys have decided to fight back. I’m not a big fan of the taste of turkey, except when it’s prepared ‘in’ something else (like turkey burgers or turkey meatballs or whatever) so I figure I’m safe from turkeys swooping down and beating the crap out of me. Heh. I’d pay money to see video of it happening to someone else, though. I’m sick like that.

After damned-near gulping my minty hot chocolate this evening, it was nice to settle in and work on my knitting bag. Not overly interesting – knit one row, purl the next – but it’s still fulfilling to see the progress. I really credit the new needles with my excellent tension – the stitches are all so even and neat looking that I get a little giddy just looking at them. Still, I’d like to finish it a bit faster – I’m so impatient about this sort of thing. I like sitting and chatting while I knit, though, and it’s nice to do it somewhere other than home. Tammie’s fiance Will came along again tonight, and though he’s not knitting along with us, it’s nice to have another voice in the conversation. I really look forward to SnB nights – Thursdays and Sundays.

On a totally unrelated note, but one I keep harping on, it’s interesting to see how I’ve evolved in my relationships in the past year or so – particularly since quitting my job at Xco. I find that I’m more at ease with people, and more able to step back from unhealthy friendships, and less likely to hang out with someone (or email, or whatever) who doesn’t bring something good to the table. I’ve learned to distance myself from unhealthy drama – to know the difference between someone who thrives on angst and turmoil and someone who legitimately wants to change a negative situation. I mean, shit happens to everyone and if I set my standards on “no shit happening” I’d have no friends at all – nor would anyone befriend me. Is it strange to say that I’m all proud of myself?

I can tell that I’m feeling better these days – I’m replying to email slowly but surely, I’m reading blogs again, I’m making plans. Plans! I’m sleeping somewhat better and not waking up in sheer panic. (Of course, Clonazepam is still my friend in that regard..) I’m not caught up in a single moment anymore – which is a really, really good sign. I don’t have this overwhelming need for an ‘escape route’ when I’m doing something – and I’m starting to think about making plans that I couldn’t escape from if I wanted to (like heading to the US and inviting people over and things like that..)

In honour of the US Thanksgiving, here’s my lists of thankfuls:

- Coffee – he loves me very much
- my friends
- learning to knit and sticking with it
- birds at the feeder (including the hawk!)
- my finches
- Sir Weetabix
- Daisy and Zooey
- a warm house
- my combat boots
- fuzzy jammas
- library books galore
- minty hot chocolate
- cool stuff in the mail
- naps in the afternoon
- email, email, email
- anti-anxiety drugs
- you. :)

Which is precisely what I’m doing these days. ‘Tis the season for germs to thrive. I go outside for even a few minutes and the cold soaks into me and I can’t get warm again. I shiver and my teeth chatter and I whimper about being cold. I’m freeeeeeeeeeezing. Ten minutes with my hands on the heating vent in the car and I’m still frozen. I wrap myself in blankets, add a pair of socks, whimper some more. I think I’m going to hibernate until spring. I am such a wuss.

This morning I woke up to the sound of sirens, which explained (at least in part) the remnant of dream I was having – in which I was bemoaning the fact that I didn’t have sufficient copies of “Guns and Ammo” magazine. I’m not sure why I needed the copies or what the hell else was going on, but waking up to sirens made it a bit surreal. Looking out the window, I discovered a bunch of fire trucks and police cars across the street at a business complex. Big plumes of white smoke/steam were coming up from somewhere out of my range of sight. Soon enough, things were under control and they trucks drove away.

Came downstairs to eat my Cheerios and Pom and watch the birds at the feeder. On a cold snowy day like today, there’s either a huge crowd of 50+ birds or absolutely none to be seen. Today was “feedin’ time” apparently, and things were crowded at both feeders. No sooner would one bird move and the next would swoop in. As I watched, however, the entire crowd dispersed very quickly, leaving the feeder empty. Rare, but not unheard of. Sometimes something spooks them and they disappear in a flock.

I saw something large on the fence and immediately thought it was a squirrel, until I turned to look. And there, in the middle of our fence was a very large hawk. At least, I assume she was a hawk – I’ve never seen one this close-up, and she was very, very large. This site seems to be accurate in the photo, particularly lower down on the page. The tail feathers made her seem even larger. Bright yellow legs and spotted body, carefully surveying the landscape. Presumably, the feeders didn’t interest her much, as she bopped along the fence for a bit, then up into the tree and back to the fence. After a few minutes she flew away. I tried to take some pictures, but it was hard to do through the screen door (the only vantage point that allowed me to see her clearly).

I can’t wait to see what happens with the rest of the day…

..or third? Fourth, maybe?

At any rate, I just discovered that Cyndi Lauper has a new album out called, “The Body Acoustic” in which she performs the song “All Through the Night” as a duet with.. SHAGGY.

I swear to you, I just swooned.

Guess what I just added to my Indigo wish list…

Gee, this looks appetizing. I can’t WAIT for the holidays!

My Horoscope for this week:

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “If I had to live my life again,” said actress Tallulah Bankhead, “I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.” These should be your words to live by in the coming weeks, Cancerian. In my astrological opinion, the smartest thing you can do is to try the iffy adventures you’ve been postponing and experiment with the chancy turns you’ve been wondering about. In order to set the stage for your greatest victories in 2006, you will have to learn lessons that these potential mistakes can help teach you.

Anyone up for some spectacular adventures with me?

I could totally use one of these… but I suspect my back would rebel in 30 seconds and leave me unable to move.

As mentioned a few posts back, I am chock full of the holiday spirit – in my own special way, of course. I’ve got my Christmas cards (I love mail) sitting here ready to scribble on and send off. I’ve sent an Indigo gift to a friend already (I have no idea if the card was signed with my name, so, uh, if you’re reading and an anonymous Indigo gift shows up? Happy Early Christmas!), and I have gifts for five other people sitting here waiting for mailing or for the next time I see them in person. I’ve got Coffee’s gift planned and I have the ‘supplies’ necessary for another set of gifts I’m working on.

Perhaps I’m not in the Christmas spirit so much as the “give stuff to other people” spirit. Who cares? I’m in happy land!

Granted, none of these are extravagent gifts – and I’d be sending/giving them even if it weren’t the festive season, simply because I’ve been knitting and making stuff and all that. I’m not a big fan of the commercial “must buy stuff” holidays – as much as I enjoy getting gifts. Heh. I like to play the “If I had a lot of money…” game, in which I try to imagine what spectacular gifts I’ve give various people if money was no object. Diamonds and vacations to various locales and me showing up on their doorstep (okay, that’s a gift to myself.. Heh.) But ultimately, I’m not a fan of being told I have to buy something – making a big list of people I like and then slowly crossing off their names. It feels.. completely un-heartfelt. Gifts should be given because you’re inspired or because you really want to give them something – not out of some weird seasonal obligation. Trolling the mall for seven hours to look for a gift for your boss sucks. Dancing through the mall looking for a certain something for an adored friend is another thing altogether.

Now. I just need to get my act together and have all this stuff to the post office on time. Anyone want to place bets on how successful I’ll be??

I know – I know that you’re sitting on the edge of your chair wondering about my sleeping patterns lately. I won’t disappoint you.

Last night I went to sleep around midnight and woke up at 2:18 because I had to pee. Not out of panic, just.. too much water before bed. I curled back up and slept until around 7:30. Seriously. Woke up a bit panicked, but then just launched into my own little celebration on realizing I hadn’t woken up in the midst of a panic attack. I credit the toast that I ate right before bed. One of the triggers for panic is low blood sugar, so I figured if I ate some flax bread, I could test the theory. I’m going to re-test it tonight. Toast! A toast to toast! And to sleep. Oh yes. Sleep.