Playing the Cards.

I have a lot of thoughts in my head pertaining to Coffee’s soon-to-be-employed status and I’d love nothing more than to plunk it all down here in my blog. I’ve been finding it hard to write about, though, because my thoughts are all over the place. There are positives and negatives to be noted, hopes and dreams attached to it all, future plans and daydreams and all sort of conflicting feelings. I get worked up about a positive and then I remember a negative. Or vice versa. It’s not that I couldn’t write it down, it’s more that I’m not sure I could do it in less than 4,000 words (and even then not feel as if I’ve completely expunged it all) and, at the same time, I’m not certain that I want to lay it all out lest I start to obsess about some aspects. I do that. I know.

Suffice to say that it’s going to be a change and I’m only fond of change when I’m completely in control of it (or completely prepared) and there are so many unknowns relating to this particular change that I can’t possibly control or prepare for all of them. Coffee is keeping me optimistic and putting up with my five-bazillion questions (some of which are just plain retarded, and all of which start with, “When you’re working, will we still…?”) and listening to me waffle between excitement and sadness.

I am looking forward to this change in some ways – it’s another stage in our life together and it’s another step on the path we want to go down and rah-rah-rah. It’s a chance for me to start following some of my own dreams, too. But the biggest feeling at the moment is a low-grade sadness that our prolonged honeymoon is ending. As much as there may be fabulous positives coming, soon, I really don’t like change.