Desperation Leads to Patheticism.

Me: I don’t feel very well. I think something I ate didn’t agree with me.

Coffee: Oh? That sucks. What did you eat?

Me: Umm.. uh.. nothing.

Coffee: Come on, tell me. What did you eat?

Me: I, uh, don’t want to talk about it.

Coffee: Tell me! What did you eat?

Me: Y’know those chocolate boulders from the Bulk Barn…?

Coffee: You didn’t. You DIDN’T.

Me: I.. might have. I don’t feel very good.

Coffee: Those things ARE NOT FOOD.

Me: (indignant voice) Yes they are! They’re chocolate!

Coffee: No, they’re not! They’re wax in a candy coating. I can’t believe you ate them. Why did you eat them?

Me: I dunno. I mean, they were chocolate and I wanted chocolate and they were THERE and..

Coffee: I can’t believe you ate them. They’re NOT food.

Me:They’re not THAT bad.

Coffee: (looking at me like I’m on crack) Ah well, at least you enjoyed them while you were eating.

Me: Um.. no, not really. I just.. they were.. chocolate.

Coffee: I.. (insert look of pity) .. I… yeah.