GAH.

Whoah, Nelly, I am one unmotivated chick.

Today, as a special treat and a limited-time-offering, please feel free to swing by my house (I’ll send directions) and kick me until I do something. Anything other than lie in the middle of the floor (as I am right now) with my head propped up on a pillow and my laptop in front of my face.

At some point I’m going to have to get up. I am not looking forward to that point.

We have another showing tonight, which is great and all, but what I’d really like is to get some feedback on the place. We’ve had, what, 12 showings now? And no offers. No second viewings.

We painted everything, we cleaned everything, we packed up all the clutter and.. nothing? Nada? WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY HOUSE? My own real estate agent has brought through a whopping ONE showing – the rest have come from other agents – and that isn’t impressing me much. Plus, those other agents are not going to call me the next day and say, “Oh, hey, maybe you should do X and Y.” even though I’d really welcome it.

When you’re here kicking my ass around, could you give me some feedback? I’ll totally take you for a deep fried pickle to repay your kindness.

(Mmmmmmm.. deep fried pickles.)

I am desperately looking forward to the long weekend that’s coming up. It’ll be one of the first weekends in a while that isn’t going to be fully swallowed-up by the house-wrangling. This means that Coffee and I might have conversations involving something other than, “where the fuck are we going to put THAT?!” and “oh, for fuck’s sake, do you know where the screwdriver / paintbrush / wrench is?“. I am hoping to get laid, to eat sushi and to lie around reading library books. That’s it. That’s my big set of plans.

GO ME on the “making attainable goals” front!

(Are you on your way here to kick my ass around yet? Because, um, I can make this the world’s longest blog post in order to procrastinate. Don’t tempt me.)

Changing the subject, somewhat: yesterday I bought a new digital camera. I traded in my old one, I forked over all the cash in my wallet and then some, and now I have a tiny little camera that’s made for people with zero photography skills. They should have just called it the “Dana U Camera by Nikon”.

I was kind of hoping to spend today taking pictures of .. well, things. So far my only motivation has been the dog hair that accumulates in ONE DAY on the carpet (the same carpet I’m currently lying on – yum.) using the macro function. (“And this one is from Daisy.. Oh! THIS one is from Zooey!.. And here’s one from Coffee..“) Maybe I should hold off on taking pictures until I can get up off of the floor?

Speaking of which, I’m going to move myself to the upright position and take the dogs for a (very humid) walk to the park, then eat a toasted sammich to further trash my already-irritated gums, and wander around the house with a bottle of Windex and a microfibre cloth. I’m not a fan of ‘cleaning the house’ as a concept, but doing it daily is even worse. I’m tempted to write up Post-It notes that say, “THIS HOUSE LOOKS REALLY GOOD WHEN CLEAN. TRUST ME.” and stick ‘em to all the mirrors and other flat surfaces in the house in order to excuse myself from cleaning all the time.

I bet I’d get some good real estate agent feedback ON THAT.

(And my agent just called to say that we have THREE showings today. BUY MY FUCKING HOUSE, PEOPLE. JUST BUY IT.)