Avoid.

At this very moment, I am doing my best to Fake the Funk, even though I know you cannot fake the funk. You just can’t. It’s like.. a rule. But hey, when have rules ever dictated how I live?

I fully intend to continue faking said funk until we move in 28 days because otherwise I am going to run screaming out of the house.

Here is a list of things I am (conspicuously) avoiding eye-contact with:

• My email. If I open the inbox, I have to acknowledge that there are a lot of messages in there. Then I have to reply to them. So for now, I am pretending I have no email. Email? What email?
• Packing and anything related to packing. Less than a month in which to get everything ready to move? WhatEVER.
• Cleaning the house. We’re moving anyway, right? Why scrub the tiles NOW?
• Autumn. I can already feel the tendrils of “fuck THIS season” creeping in. AUGH.
• The dogs. I can only ignore them for – at most – an hour at a time but I can totally do it.
• Our elderly neighbour. Only because I feel such a strong compulsion to back over her in the car and now that I’ve confessed it here in my blog I know the authorities will not accept my “oops! tee hee! my bad!” defense. She was so busy weeding my garden for me this afternoon that I had to WAIT to pull into my own driveway so as to avoid squishing her beneath my little car.
• The recycling and garbage pickup is tomorrow which means I need to put it all out at the curb tonight which means I need to get my ass off of this sofa and start collecting it up and y’know, I just don’t feel like doing it. We need to buy a goat who can, like, hang out in our yard and eat our recyclables.

I’m pretty sure there are other things I’m avoiding eye contact with, but one of the dogs is now licking my foot and making it hard for me to ignore her. I don’t know WHY we got such fancy dogs that require twice-a-day feedings – not to mention walks and attention and someone to scratch their itchy spots.

As part of my avoidance, I was going to ask you to email and tell me what YOU are avoiding lately but then I remembered I’m not reading email at the moment anyway.

So, y’know, whatever it is you’re avoiding eye-contact with, please carry on and make me proud.