Like Sand Through The Hour Glass.

First: I seem to have a serious like for the new Coke Blak. You know, the tiny little glass bottle that’s filled with a mixture of Coca-Cola and coffee? Yeah, that. I feel like a tool while drinking it, and I feel like a bigger tool when I buy it, but it’s .. good.

I figure this new love affair will last about a month and then I’ll be finished because I can only handle feeling like a tool for brief periods of time.

In the meantime, I can totally (ab)use the caffeine.

I’ve got stuff to do here, people!

Like, say, panic!

I am panicking for no good reason, as usual. It’s just that we’re in a rough financial spot. We used all our spare money to put a downpayment on a house in addition to all the minor (but stupidly expensive nonetheless) improvements to our old house in order to sell it – painting and landscaping and carpet cleaning and..meh. Then we had to have work done on Coffee’s car. Then there was an unanticipated dentist appointment.

So, in short, we maxed out all our credit and drained our bank accounts in the short term, and, a little over a month from now, it will all come back to us in the form of cash. No big deal, right?

In the meantime, however, I’m moving what feels like the same $5 from account to account trying to figure out how the hell we can afford X and Y and oh, we need to pay the movers..

I’m exaggerating on that $5 thing, by the way. We’re not even close to hitting overdraft. It just feeeeeeeeeels bad.

Being a grown up? Sucks.

Yes, that’s a Canadian $5 bill…
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Putting some perspective on it, though: I spent a good number of years playing the real Debt Game and this ‘situation’ doesn’t compare in the slightest. I can still afford our usual groceries, to order a pizza on the weekend if we want, to put gas in my car and to mail out a bunch of packages and blahblahblah.

I know I’m being anxious for no good reason here.

In university, for example, (and the lean years that followed) there were times when I’d have no groceries and no money for the subway and snot pouring out of my nose from allergies that I couldn’t afford to medicate and I’d borrow $5 from a friend to buy cat food (while trying desperately to make the scooping litter last way longer than it should have) and I’d be a complete and utter mess of panic about the lack of money. I’d walk to work in the slushy freezing rain, ducking into stores along the way to ‘browse’ (and thaw) and then I’d come home and cry while rolling all my spare change in notebook paper to exchange for rolls of quarters so I could do some laundry.

I am not in that position. I’m not even in the same WORLD as that position. And I thank the baby jesus for that, really, I do.

Worrying for the sake of worrying is kind of retarded, isn’t it?

I have a whole other blog post about worrying – not about the various things I fret about, but about the difference between worrying for a good reason and chronic anxiety.

In the meantime, please pass me a Coke Blak and your chequebook and I’ll get back to you. Like I said above, I’ve got stuff to DO today.

(And no, the subject line has nothing to do with anything at all.)