November 2006

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
If I have to make it myself, neither. But I love the white hot chocolate from Second Cup – and at this time of year they start adding whipped cream with candy cane sprinkles and oh, oh, OH, that stuff is good.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Generally, in this house, we don’t wrap. We hand! Here, take this gift! For friends, we wrap (or, usually, gift bag..)

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
I like white lights. They’re sparklier, in my mind, than the coloured lights. But I appreciate ALL lights, really.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nope. I get smooched any ol’ time I want!

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Other than my “Let it Snow” thing (which I haven’t found yet) that hangs on the front door I don’t put any decorations up at all.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Stuffing, please, made by Coffee in our crockpot. Mmmmmmm…

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
I don’t have a specific favourite. I mean, I was an exceptionally spoiled kid during the holidays every single year.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I don’t remember, honestly. I suspected it for a while, and I had stumbled across some gifts before the holidays that were later labelled as being “From: Santa” which kind of confirmed things.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Given how much I love gifting people, I can barely hold out until then. As soon as I purchase a gift for someone I almost immediately start chanting, “Oh! GUESS WHAT I GOT YOU? No, wait. Don’t. Yes! Guess! No! It’s.. No. It’s SO COOL! NEVER MIND!” and three minutes later they’re holding it in their hands.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
We don’t have a tree. If I had my pink tree, however, I’d decorate it with white lights and that’s about it. I have a box of ornaments from my childhood (one for each year until my Mom died) but I don’t bother pulling them out when there’s no safe place to hang them.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
I like snow when it’s fresh and clean and new – before it turns sloggy, slushy, dirty, yellow… So I’d be happy if we could maintain one inch of snow on the ground that, magically, cleaned itself up every night until spring.

12. Can you ice skate?
Yep. I mean, I’m not some sort of ice-dancing princess, but I can skate forward and stumble around backward.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
The 10 pound Toblerone that Coffee bought me for Christmas before we started dating.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Stuffing! Spending time with Coffee!

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
I don’t think I have one, specifically. There’s usually something I can’t wait to have a second serving of, however.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
We don’t really have holiday traditions around here, either. We play it by ear! As a kid I loved wrapping all the little things for our stockings, then stuffing them (not my own, of course) and opening everything the next morning.

17. What tops your tree?
No tree… But I still have the angel that was on top of my tree as a kid. She’s in the kitchen and keeps watch over us.

18. Which do you prefer giving or getting?
I love getting presents. I only love giving them if I can find something super-fantastic for the recipient though.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Whichever one I can hum or sing without having it permanently stuck in my brain for a month.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
I like the big huge fat candy canes – they’re a foot or two tall. You cannot go wrong with those.

Every morning, after feeding them their breakfast of raw meat, I take the dogs on a walk around the neighbourhood.

Generally I let the dogs pick the route – unless I’m in a hurry or the weather is particularly nasty – so it’s not uncommon for us to make strange veering pathways up one street and down another, passing through small parks and alleyways as we go. We start in our own backyard and from there it’s hard to say where we’ll be heading. We always get to see neat things.

There are, of course, certain lawns they must stand and sniff for very long periods of time, certain areas where they absolutely must pee and favoured piles of leaves which must be rolled on. I, holding the leash, am really just an accessory to this walk. I’m the pooper-scooper and the “don’t walk into traffic” killjoy, but otherwise there’s not much required of me other than a bit of patience while they meander around.

This morning the air was full of water – not rain, but a miserable humidity. We walked up one street and through the park, down the big hill (which is all grass and soft on paws) and around the other block. The dogs sniffed every tree we passed. By the time we returned home all three of us were dampened significantly and feeling rather limp. I fed the dogs their post-walk cookies and headed upstairs to change into dry clothes.

When I returned, both dogs were passed out on the living room floor. Neither one of them bothered to pop their heads up when I came back into the room, they just batted their eyes lazily in my direction to see if I was holding a leash for another walk (or not, as it happens). When I sat down on the floor to pet them, Daisy slowly rolled over and gave me a vague look of, “If you MUST bother me, at least rub the belly, WOMAN. I am BUSY lying here.”

I feel so.. used. And chilly.

Tomorrow I’m going to walk them like I’m leading attack dogs. Short leashes well-reigned and a military precision to the stroll around the single block. And when we get home? I’m going to feed MYSELF a cookie and take a nap on the floor.

LET’S SEE HOW YOU LIKE *THAT*, YOU LITTLE INGRATES!

Sheeesh.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “They might be small, spiky, and spineless, but they’re still family.” So begins a *National Geographic* story about sea urchins, creatures that biologists now know have far more in common with humans than anyone realized. (They share 7,077 genes with us, and are actually on the same branch of the evolutionary tree of life.) Let that opening sentence be your motto during the coming week, Cancerian, as you adjust your attitude towards not only the runts and outcasts of your tribe, but also towards the parts of yourself that you tend to neglect and underestimate. Now say this: “They might be small, spiky, and spineless, but they’re still family.”

Freewill Astrology.

NHL + Maple Leafs + Gay = Progress. I cannot think of too many things hotter than gay hockey players. Mmmmm…

The Japanese Ministry of the Environment released this information on wrapping gifts in cloth. Neat!

Kelly wrote about ‘skipping Christmas’ and it got me thinking about where I rest in the “Holiday Spectrum”.

Much like everything else in life, there are those who embrace the holidays like a long-lost lover, giddy to see it again and willing to expend great amounts of money and time and effort to make the occasion as perfect as possible. (I believe those people are mentally ill, by the way.)

On the opposite side are the people who can be summed up as “Scrooge”. They scowl at those who wish them a “HappY Holiday!” or a “Merry Christmas!” and they snarl at the decorations adorning their neighbours’ trees.

I’m not quite sure where I sit these days.

For about a decade, give or take a year, I was Scrooge. I avoided anything “Christmasy”. The songs made me cry, I’d have serious anxiety in the mall, and the idea of getting together with a bunch of friends/family/whomever made me feel about as good as a kick in the face. I blamed it on my mother’s pre-Christmas death and the resulting misery that came from each anniversary. I blamed it on the other anniversaries-of-death that take place around the holidays – bridging the months from October to February.

Last year around the middle of November, I began to feel an odd tingle in my belly. Something akin to the “Christmas Spirit” but.. different. I became fixated – and I’m only a little embarassed to admit this – on the idea of a pink Christmas tree. I couldn’t stop thinking about it!

Sadly, the pink tree wasn’t in our budget and, while I spent a good chunk of time staring wistfully at the online photo, I had to admit that it wasn’t a major priority in the grand scheme of things. It wasn’t something I could convince Coffee to purchase in lieu of groceries for the month or in place of the various things we needed at the time. But oh, I tried!

But that tree – the pink tree – rekindled a bit of the holiday spirit for me.

The one thing I have always, without fail, loved about the holidays is sending out cards. I love to pick out something perfect, write something heartfelt inside, scribble on an address and drop the envelope into the mailbox. I can skip presents and I can skip foil icicles and I can skip dressing up like an elf – but I love the ritual of sending out cards. This year I have some super-special cards for those closest to me, thanks to Melle‘s trip to California and the fact that she knows me very well.

For the past decade I have made various half-hearted attempts at Christmas shopping and finally gave up altogether. I was doing it out of obligation, not enthusiasm. Almost all of my friends are gainfully employed to the extent that they’re able to purchase both the things they need AND the things they want. Other friends live simple lifestyles and prefer not to receive anything during the holidays unless it’s consumable (i.e., cookies!). Still others don’t recognize the holiday for religious reasons. And then there are my fellow Scrooges.

This year I’m still not buying gifts for people. Nada. Zip. It’s not in the budget financially to make a three page list and shop-til-we-drop (instead, we are renovating the basement so Melle can move in!) and it’s not something I have any interest otherwise. I’m not sure how one makes the leap from a religious holiday to shoving and elbowing at the mall – and for someone who’s not religious, it’s even more perplexing. If you’re not Christian, you’re embracing a holiday that has no deeper meaning than… shopping? If you are Christian, and a practicing Christian, I will need you to explain the reason behind the excess because, well, I’m not getting that concept either.

After the glimmer of Christmas ‘spirit’ came to me last year, I began to ponder which aspects of the holidays I wanted to embrace. I love the sparkly lights (must buy some LEDs for the house) and I love the Christmas cards. I love the idea of people feeling kind and loving toward each other. I like the idea of helping someone less fortunate – though I think it should be done all year and not just during the holidays. “Hey, people, you’re totally allowed to eat during the holidays but you better save some of it for June when no one gives a rat’s ass about the less fortunate!” seems to be a common theme when it comes to donations.

To date I have dropped off three bags of food at the food bank to help someone(s) have a holiday with enough food for their family. I ‘adopted’ a senior and purchased pink flannel jammas for her. I have started working on my cards so I can send them out at the beginning of December. I intend to purchase some leashes for the local Humane Society because their wishlist says they need some. These things feel solid and healthy and a good personal representation of what I feel the season should be about.

More importantly, I’m doing it within my own means. I’m not putting it all on VISA and trying not to think about the bills that will come later. I’m not sacrificing our own comfort. The focus should be on others – toward fostering a healthy community. A representation of where my values rest throughout the year.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t condemn anyone for indulging in what could now be considered a “traditional Christmas” of gifts and big meals and children who are high on candy canes and cookies. After all, it worked in my life for almost 20 years! I was content and it was fun. I’m just hoping people will make very conscious decisions about what they do – and why they do it. Eliminate the stress and the things that don’t bring joy. There is no reason for the holidays to lose their magic after childhood – it’s just about shifting perspectives and being true to the person you are the rest of the year.

Similarly, I wish more people would think about ways to conserve our resources. Reusable wrapping or none at all. LED lights to save energy. Homemade foods in smaller quantities than prepackaged – but with better quality ingredients. Trees that are grown AND disposed of in a healthy manner (if you must have a real tree, I mean).

Now, I’m done lecturing and rambling. Someone, quick! Bring me some LED lights and some postage stamps!

From October 2005 to October 2006, I officially devoured 145 books.

The list doesn’t include any books that I half-read (or leafed through aimlessly) and, for the most part, I didn’t include books that I was re-reading.

I also neglected to record a chunk of books that were read between the middle and end of October 2006 – while I was pretending to pack boxes for moving.

All told, I’m fairly impressed. I can’t wait to see how many I can tackle now that I’ve got a whole new library to pillage…

I am so far out of my writing routine that I have been completely blocked from blog posting for quite some time. I literally open the WordPress screen 20 times a day, tap a few keys, close the screen and walk away. Nothing feels momentous enough to write about and I feel guilty when I fill your RSS reader with the “went to the store, bought cheese, came home” stuff. Don’t ask ME where I got that guilt, by the way. I used to be JUST FINE with sharing that crap.

Part of it, I’m sure is that I’ve been doing more stuff OFFLINE lately than ever before. I have actual living friends in Kitchener – friends that I can spend time with IN REAL LIFE. This means that in the time we’ve lived here I’ve had more social opportunities than in the previous year or five. It’s fabulous. I’m hoping to meet MORE people, too, so I can ditch this crappy Dell laptop and never touch Google again.

Okay, I was totally kidding about that last part.

Can you imagine? Me? Without the internet? Hahahahaha.

Of course, it’s very difficult for me to make new friends because I turn into the quietest, shy-est freak when faced with people I don’t know. I mean, I clam up and get “that look” on my face. The same look the dogs give me when they sense I’m about to put them into the bathtub and turn on some water. The, “OHMYGODTHISISABADIDEA” look. I can barely manage to speak my name. The worst part – other than the obvious – is that the people I love assure me that I don’t LOOK uncomfortable. This makes me fairly certain that I appear to be a snotty snob instead of an uncomfortable mute. Eeep.

I am now studying Kelly to see how it is that she manages to befriend absolutely everyone in the world. Walking around with her is completely crazy-insane to me – hearing people shout, “KELLY!” everywhere we go totally cracks me up. I am trying to observe Coffee and the way in which he relaxes into a group of people and becomes, well, part of it instead of hanging on the periphery as I tend to do.

A few nights ago we (Coffee and Kelly and I) went to a cohousing meeting – of which I have many thoughts to post that are not related to this particular entry – and it was all that I could do not to hyperventilate. Even with Coffee and Kelly near me. There were a lot of people there, and a lot of interesting people too, and I spent a good portion of the evening staring at the completely unrelated church photos that were posted on the walls. It looks like those Unitarians know how to have a good time, by the way.

Several people spoke to me (because everyone was friendly and nice) and it was all I could do to respond coherently. But, oh, I responded! I rambled and babbled and tried not to panic and then went back to staring at those church photos until I could breathe again. My brain just shuts down in these situations and.. yeah. I get all twitchy-avoidy and feel like a big dork. I may need to swipe Coffee’s “Socially Inept” t-shirt for outings like these.

I did best with the tiny girl who sat across from me during dinner. We laughed, made goofy faces, stuck out our tongues and played the copy-cat game. At no point did I hyperventilate during the copycat game because, oh, I am GOOD at that one.

The thing is? Once I calm down a bit, I AM able to make conversation and get to know someone. I can participate in the “give and take” of a conversation instead of blurting out random things and not asking any questions in return. I can breathe. I can laugh. I can be my usual curious self. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve left a social situation wishing I had asked someone THEIR NAME let alone the deeper question I had for them because there wasn’t enough time for me to relax. I can’t focus myself in a group of people – so I linger on the edge.

But I am trying, which is more than I can say for the past events of my life. I’m working on it.

I’m gonna’ get the bonus points for participation if it kills me.

The 100 Notable Books of the Year list has some pretty good looking books sitting on it. It’s like the “100 Most Beautiful People” list equivalent for nerds. Nerds like me. I’ve read 5 of those 100 books, and now I’m going to have to start adding the rest to my library request list.

Thank you to Jill from Feministe for alerting me to my book-slackin’ and giving me something to work toward in the coming months.

While typing an email to Melle this morning, I could hear voices – quiet voices – somewhere near me. I peeked around the corner, looked out the window.. nothing. No one. Losing my mind is always an option, but I’ve never been one for auditory hallucinations.

Then I realized the sound was coming from the entertainment unit.

On opening the doors to expose the television and the speakers, I was greeted with the opening bars of the song “Hate Me” by Blue October. A song that I could happily sing all day long without pause. Over and over. That very song was playing through the speakers.

And how, you may be asking, did that little big of magic happen?

The answer: my husband loves me.

There are so many great things about being married to a geek. He downloads songs for me, and movies and things, and fixes hardware and makes things work – of course!

That he can control the audio in our home even when he’s at work is pretty cool. The fact that he plays sudden songs for me (and has been known to have the speakers utter “I LOVE YOU” in Sam Waterson’s voice) makes me grin. He looooooooooves me…

Wheee!