As a result of my ulcer, I am very cautious about consuming alcohol. I don’t like to piss off the Tummy Queen anymore than I have to (and I need to still keep up my schedule of eating chocolate regularly and guzzling caffeine – there’s not a lot of room to wiggle here!) I’ve also never been a huge fan of the taste of most liquors and beers.
Today, however, is NaDruBloDa – the annual day of drunken blogging. This is a celebration I can get behind. Except that I had some alcohol in the past week and my gut is mildly disturbed by my shameful behaviour and, long story made even longer, I don’t want to provoke any mutiny in my gut. So, in lieu of a ridiculously sappy and drunken post by yours truly, I present you with a guest entry by my beloved husband.
We are not on the list of official participants. Let’s call this “Informal Drunk Blogging”, shall we? Good. Okay. Here he is…
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Well, I guess that I can start this out by admitting that there is a bit of question as to just how drunk one has to be for this. We agreed upon three shots of vodka on an empty stomach. I did three. But I wasn’t sure it was three… I knew two, and strongly suspected the third. But, just to be sure… ahhhhhh.
As well, in the past year, I doubt that I’ve had more than 10 shorts of vodka equivalent.
And now that all of that’s out of the way. (Drum roll) I’ve got writer’s block.
I guess I’ll just quickly close (can one close before one’s truly opened? (shuddup you)) with a public service announcement. Smokers:if anyone’s ever told you that your smoking makes you smell, and you thought they were teasingly joking. And you thought that 30 seconds after you smoked you no longer had a stale stench slowing polluting the air around you. The truth is, if someone’s mentioned you stink, you really do stink (and this is coming from deaf-nosed (you can ask Violet) coffee). This was inspired by an applicant who came in to take the automated skill test. This particular one was well groomed, and given how at ease he looked, had dressed nicer than he normally would have when “dress casual” was specified. In short, he had intended to make a good impression. I’ll bet he put on deorderant. But even though he was standing at least 5 feet away from me for 90-120 seconds I was starting to gag from the smell. He obviously expended effort to make a good impression, and yet he might as well as smeared feces all over himself just before he came inside. How well can an interview go when you’ve got feces smeared all over yourself? Feces!
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What?!? How come I’m only finding out about this with just over an hour to go in the day? First I keep forgetting to celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day, and now I totally miss this?!? Crap!!
Maybe it’s for the best… blogging while drunk and alone at home with sleeping kids probably isn’t the kind of thing my mother would feel good about reading. (Yes, my mother reads my blog.) Of course, drunk COMMENTING is yet another beast altogether.
NaDruBloDa (and NaDruCoDa) is going in my calendar for next year.
Coffee, deaf-nosed? Really? Does everything taste like styrofoam?
Violet – had I known about your intestinal alcohol intolerance, I would have shared a different recipe with you. If you’d like another non-alcoholic one, please let me know and I’ll send it post-haste!
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Yeah, you caught me without a bit of booze in the whole house, unless you count cough syrup, vanilla extract and that chaste tree crap I have to take every night to shrink my fibroids. I can barely choke down a teaspoon, thank you very much.
Next year give us the “Everyone go to the LCBO today” warning. Then I will totally join in.
Yeah, Andrew, I missed Talk Like a Pirate Day AND reveal your blog crush day. Thank goodness! I’m not sure I want everyone to know which blogger has stolen my heart.
:)
K
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I’m trying to figure out how to anonymously forward this tid bit o’ wisdom to my mom. Maybe I’ll just teach Dax to say, “Even the deaf-nosed can smell you!”
I know the day has passed but can we give you…I dunno…five shots tomorrow and see what you come up with?
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Well, I’m not actually deaf-nosed. It’s just that (with the exception of Special Effects hair dye) for the most part my sense of smell is noticeably muted compared to Violet. It’s tough cleaning out the fridge, trying to eliminate “what smells” when you don’t actually smell anything wrong. At the same time, when I do smell something, it can overpower me. Walking through the perfume/makeup department in a department store, schrunches my face up as bad as it would for any four year old. Violet had given up trying to stop me from fleeing the spice or detergent aisle’s at costco when we still had the membership.
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Vodka enemas on the house!
coffee:
My wife’s olfactory sense is very different from mine as well. I’ve been driven to frenzies of carpet sniffing that even the beagle could appreciate. K. just looks on with perplexity and concern while I tear around trying to find the source of the offending odor. -
Coffe – you’re not olfactory-challenged, you’re just a man. I used to think I could smell just fine (as in ability to detect, not ability to emanate) until I met my wife. Her sense of smell is far and above my own. I’m fairly convinced that men simply don’t use their sense of smell as well/much as women do. Why? Dunno.
Know what? Next year NaDruBloDa should fall ON Talk Like A Pirate Day! Then we’d have NaDruTaLiPiBloDa, and spelling would be completely out the window! Maybe someone could do a reading out of the book of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. That would rock.
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My husband smokes, I don’t. Everyone in my family smokes – I don’t. I loathe to go over to their homes. They stink.
When Darrin goes outside for a smoke, I make him sit at the other end of the room and not come anywhere near me for at least half an hour. I tell him he stinks but I’m sure he doesn’t realize how bad it is.
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