December 2006

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Merry Christmas.

Happy Christmas (War Is Over)
John Lennon and Yoko Ono

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

{Refrain}
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas (War is over)
For weak and for strong (If you want it)
For rich and the poor ones (War is over)
The road is so long (Now)
And so happy Christmas (War is over)
For black and for white (If you want it)
For yellow and red ones (War is over)
Let’s stop all the fight (Now)

{Refrain}

And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so happy Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

{Refrain}

War is over if you want it
War is over now

Mmmph.

Can’t.. speak.. full of.. luscious… baaaaacon.

Renew.

solstice.gif
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The winter solstice marks the shift toward light – a metaphorical and literal chasing-away of shadows. We’re on our way to spring, rebirth, life…

And it shuffled me toward the anniversary of Deb’s death.

Go figure.

I miss her as much today as I do every day. I miss her laughter and her lowered-voice-secrets and her dark moods and her blonde hair and the feeling of being in her presence.

She hated schmaltz – arguably, more than anything else in the world – so I’m keeping control of myself here and making simple demands instead:

  • flash your breasts to someone randomly if you get the chance
  • tell your best friend why you love him/her
  • ask yourself if you’ve done anything wild recently
  • do something wild, anyway
  • make fun of someone who happens to be ridiculously overly-serious
  • pick a day in the new year to sit down with a good friend, a chocolate cake, and two forks
  • if you must obsess over a guy, make it one who’s dark and stringy
  • stick a dildo to your fridge with a suction cup so you can flick it whenever you walk by
  • make up a great nickname for your ex and start using it
  • scream some Offspring lyrics at the top of your lungs
  • be amazing to the people you love

If you can find a way to wear latex over the holidays, that’s another good option…

I love you Debbie Sue. Now and forever.

I am totally worked up about December 30th.

Just Say Go.

I’ll be sticking around the house today, waiting for the Bell dude to maybe/maybe-not show up and connect some more wires (or whatever he does) in order for our super-duper-ultra-fast internet installation to be completed (on this end, at least). Coffee has been mucking about with special modem-thingies and cables and wires of his own. And some random guy still needs to connect the other wire to the big wire in the other building.

Are you starting to understand why Coffee is in charge of geeky things around here?

Since I won’t be going anywhere or running any errands outside the house, I figured I’d use today to get a bunch of cleaning, unpacking and general organization underway. And, if I can, I think I’ll spend some quality time with the sewing machine. I have a few mini-projects I’d like to attempt before I concede that I have no idea how to sew and thus force Kelly to come over and help. (I like to attempt things on my own, make a mess and get totally frustrated and THEN ask for help. Doesn’t everyone?!)

In other news, the adoption paperwork is on its way to a social worker.

And now I need to go and hyperventilate for a while. Hopefully that won’t get in the way of the other things I have planned for the day.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Happy Holy Daze, Cancerian! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic offering might put you in the right mood to deal proactively with potential problems in 2007? I’ve decided on a set of those specially-designed clothes-storage bags that allow you to suck all the air out, compressing your sweaters and pants so that they take up significantly less space in your luggage or closet. Hopefully these bags would inspire you to come up with creative applications of the “less is more” principle, which will be a recurring theme for you in the coming months.

(Freewill Astrology)

Feast!

Cancer (June 21-July 21) An overwhelming desire to socialize will envelope you this week. You’ll want to invite a bunch of people over and have a Thanksgiving dinner party! What’s that? Thanksgiving is over? Oh. I suppose I forgot to mention that these feelings of social exuberance will be coupled with a tendency to be slightly after-the-fact. Luckily, you’ll also meet someone who is similarly undaunted by being out of joint, and the two of you will schedule a private feast of flesh all your own.

(Nerve)

Clean.

Part of being married is the “working out of the details”. The house rules. The who-does-what-and-when. Sometimes that negotiation is complicated, sometimes it’s straight-forward, but it’s completely unavoidable unless one wishes for a spouse to lose their mind over the nth time a plate (for example) is left in the sink by the other.

Depending on the chore, negotiations must take into account:

- number of available daylight hours during which one can perform said task
- physical strength required for the task
- who made the mess / dirtied the item / put THAT there
- who has the stronger skill in that particular area
- who can whine louder and longer
- who’s feeling most put-upon at the time
- who has the stronger gag reflex
- and then a bunch of arbitrary stuff that no one knew about prior to discussion

For example, Coffee is awake (and home) from 8-10:30am, Monday to Friday. He works outside the house from 11am-9pm in order to pay our bills and buy us food. He returns home at 9:10pm. We go to bed around midnight.

This means that, at his disposal during the week, Coffee has a total of 5 hours each day to do his ‘chores’ as well as the other things he wants to do with his time (say, read a book). Plus, I demand that he spend time with me.

I, on the other hand, have the entire day and evening in which to do my chores and the other things I want to do with my time (say, read a book). But, as a result of my higher availability, my at-home daily ‘chore’ list is longer and includes the bulk of the day-to-day life stuff. I do the generic stuff that’s reqired to keep a household running while the other spouse is off making the money to pay those bills.

Things only get complicated when the situation shifts. The renegotiations start right around the time that one of us gets snitty (Usually me. I’m much better at being snitty than Coffee.)

We once had a rule that “s/he who cooked did not clean” which basically meant that the person who took responsibility for making the meal did not have to spend an extra hour cleaning up the kitchen, loading the dishwasher and hand-washing anything that required it. This rule served us well when I was working at Maytag, and then later when we were both home and eating together.

Now that I eat all three meals alone during the week, it’s really not enforceable. I’m pretty sure that if I made myself some dinner and then left the pots and pans for Coffee to clean up after he came home, he’d laugh at me rather than start scraping at the hardened crud. So, I make my food, I put my dishes in the machine and then I clean up the kitchen again.

Yesterday, Coffee came home for lunch. I cooked actual food in actual pots and we ate it together before he returned to work again. Is it his job, or mine, to do the dishes from that meal? (Keep in mind that what we ate was not a 12-course meal involving a lot of fancy bowls and plates; I used the rice cooker, a pot for vegetables and a casserole dish for fish.) Keep in mind, also, that there is no requirement that the meal be cleaned up from immediately – it can wait up to 24 hours, per our ‘house rules’.

Tough call.

Judging from the volume of noise someone is making in the kitchen right now, I’m going to guess that he feels it’s my job to do the cleanup.

From the fact that I’m sitting here typing this you can guess that I feel the opposite.

This means we’ll soon be having one of those ‘talks’ that people have when they live together. And a new rule will be made, or an old one agreed to, or something in between the two. This is one of my favourite parts about my husband – his willingness to HAVE these discussions and his willingness to do it sanely and reasonably and without anyone yelling or slamming doors. His agreement that our relationship is a partnership and REQUIRES negotiation from time to time to keep it moving smoothly is pretty fantastic.

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.” – Woody Allen, from his film Love and Death. The line is spoken by the character Sonja.

Attending Our House.

This evening, Coffee and I are working on our adoption paperwork. We know the basic information (name, address, birth dates, etc) but we’ve both been rather hung up on some of the deeper questions like, “Have the police ever attended your home for any reason? Please explain.” How can we answer that truthfully and still be eligible to adopt?

Okay, I’m kidding. We have no legal issues.

(It’s quite refreshing to say that, come to think of it. Legally, everything is a-okay around these parts! No lawyers on speed-dial! No blooming ulcers! Whoohooooo! We should probably throw a party to celebrate that.)

The problem is that we’ve been provided with only five or six lines after each question on which we’re supposed to neatly pen our responses. And the answer to, “Why do you want to adopt?” is WAY closer to a collegiate essay than a short paragraph.

Not to mention that my warped sense of humour keeps kicking in and I don’t think they’ll accept, “Because we hate doing housework and we need someone with small hands to clean the hair out of the tub drain.” or “Because our meth lab is really busy and child labour is WAY cheaper and easier!” I suspect that last one would cause us to have “attendance” with the police, don’t you?

Okay. This is basically a preliminary set of paperwork and I know that we’ll be able to elabourate on our answers when the adoption worker visits us in person. I also know that the agency doesn’t expect us to give “all the right answers” in place of honesty; they expect us to be human. They just want to make sure there’s nothing to immediately preclude us from adopting.

I promise to avoid “funny” (ha ha OR strange) comments. I promise to be honest and realistic. I also swear, on all that’s good and holy, to force Coffee to re-read the entire package before it goes in the mail lest I snap and write something downright stupid.

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