January 2007

For those that do not currently have a special calender denoting the various Days of Me, I feel compelled to inform you that today is CoDependent Day.

Please adjust your inner thermostats accordingly: absorb the moods of those around you, soak up the guilt/anger/sadness/whatever and allow it to wash over you fully and completely, regardless of what kind of mood you were in previously.

Spend the rest of the day feeling crappy and weepy and refuse to snap out of it. Sulk, if you get the urge. Curl up in a ball and bemoan the difficulties of your life. If you start to recognize “melodrama” creeping in, refuse to acknowledge it and, instead, assure yourself that you’re totally right to feel crappy.

Go forth and enjoy CoDependent Day. It’s all YOUR fault anyway.

Today is the anniversary of Roe v Wade, and, accordingly, is the day referred to as “Blogging for Choice”. Obviously, the idea is to blog about why you’re pro-choice.

Rather than go down the reproductive-rights path, however, I’m just going to say this: I am Pro-Choice About Everything That Involves a Choice. Even more so than that, however, I am Pro-Choice About Everything That Involves Your Own Body.

To me, your body and mind are the two things you own outright. They belong to you, and only you, and you are the only person who has a legitimate stake or claim to them. No matter who you’re married to or from whose loins you sprung, you are.. you. A sovereign state. An entity in and of yourself. You belong to you.

Should you choose to tattoo, pierce, amputate, modify, enhance, alter or casually adorn yourself in a manner of your choosing, I will support your right to do so. It is your body. You know, better than anyone else, what your body and mind require or desire. I take this as far as the ending of your own life, too.

Look around you, today. We are not a society that encourages ownership of one’s own body and one’s own choices. We visit doctors who tell us how we feel, rather than listening to our own intuition. We take medications to silence our negatives. We can’t dress the way we choose if we wish to remain employed. We cannot easily find our own path through life if we are ‘different’.

Being pro-choice means that I believe in your right to choose for yourself. Ideally, we’d live in a society that supported that concept and our choices would be more easily made – saving a lot of grief and heartache in a lot of lives.

The issue, of course, is that governments, families and friends all throw their beliefs into the mix to varying degrees. The government sets laws that allow or disallow your control over your body. Families make statements about “under my roof” and “embarassing the family”. Friends try to sway you toward choices with which they are more comfortable. It’s hard to know what your own beliefs are and what you’re absorbing as a result of your environment.

I’m simplifying things here, of course. I’m assuming the individual is sane and leaning toward life and health.

But what if our health care systems were regeared toward helping people become who they’re meant to be – rather than trying to keep everyone the same?

What if we accepted that not everyone feels the same, wants the same things or has the same life-goals?

What if we ripped up the drawings of “man” and “woman” and substituted a generic outline of a body into which we could all draw our own ideal?

What if it was fully our own choice what we wanted to make of ourselves?

I don’t believe that choices shouldn’t be questioned. I do, however, believe that most of that questioning needs to be done by the owner of the body rather than those external to it.

Pro-Choice in every way possible. Make your own decisions. Live your own life. Decide your own future. Yes. Celebrate every choice that’s available to you, even if you may never need to make it.

Yesterday was a really good day – I hung out with good friends, I laughed a lot, I went somewhere fun, I did some shopping, and I returned home completely and utterly exhausted.

Today, as a result, has been completely lacklustre. Kind of hollow and empty. And, being exhausted, there wasn’t much I wanted to do about it beyond mutter to myself and shuffle around the house in my brand new lime-green pants. (Oh, they are so very un-sexy, but so very comfortable..) Where’s the party? Where’s all the stimulating sounds and people and shiny objects?

With that hollow and empty feeling (sometimes known as “post-party letdown”) I decided that nobody likes me. I then decided that, of course they didn’t like me, because I do not like me either. Then I started to look at all of my individual faults, including the fact that I was mean to Naomi Hamsten in grade nine, and pondered the idea of not going out in public until I manage to remedy all of them. Including the Naomi Hamster-head Hamsten incidents.

That reminded me of “My Name is Earl” and how I have a little crush on Jamie Pressley and how it makes no sense to think she’s hot AND to find Candice Bergen exceptionally gorgeous, simultaneously.

On the subject of attractiveness, I have a collection of pimples on my neck and I was feeling kind of crappy about that until I read the article about the woman who came “burbling, grunting, and walking like an animal” out of the jungle recently. I decided that no one is likely to be staring at her and looking for pimples, and perhaps I might want to try snarling, roaring and leaping around like a chimp as a means of distraction.

Seriously, though? 20 years in a jungle? And they’re concerned that she might prefer to run back there and be wild and naked? Go figure!

Around these parts, it’s too friggin’ cold to consider running around naked. All I’ve done today is put MORE clothing onto my body – sweatshirts, socks, lime green pants.. But I can’t say that I’d be all that fond of dressing up in a skirt and blouse if I had spent a few decades in the relative comfort of my nakedness.

Speaking of cold, I read this quote today:

Utah Phillips once said, “The earth is not dying. It is being killed, and the people killing it have names and addresses.” In one sentence, Utah Phillips told us more about global warming than Al Gore has told us in a lifetime of writing and speaking, let alone in An Inconvenient Truth.

and clicked over to the article within which it was quoted. An article that contradicts my own feelings to some extent but which also covers some important ground. Sure, the earth is being killed by people with names and addresses, but man, the average person is more concerned with how to stay warm without going bankrupt than they are with political protests and angry campaigns. Not that those don’t have a place in this ugly situation, but given how easily people get overwhelmed and give up? No thanks.

Does it behoove the average person to know everything there is to know about any subject? Yes! Absolutely! But any good speaker (or writer, I guess) knows that the details must be broken down into manageable chunks, clearly-defined goals (unlike this blog post) and made relevant to the audience. I’m just sayin’.

On that note, I’m going to huddle up to my husband – a man who gives off enough heat, generally speaking, to power a small country – and try to decide what to have for dinner tonight. He likes me, as I reminded myself earlier, and that seems like a good reason to smooch him right now. He makes me laugh and he makes me feel un-hollow.

Full circle blog post. Go me.

I live in a pseudo-suburb-city. Our home has a yard and some green space around it, and we have a short driveway that extends to a very quiet street. All our neighbours, too, have yards and similar short driveways.

It has been snowing fairly consistently since late last night – big fat flakes – and this morning Coffee shoveled part of the driveway and all of the sidewalk in front of the house. It took him about 10 minutes, including the time it took to unlock the garage door and retrieve the shovel. As he was shoveling, another neighbour cleared her own driveway and that of her elderly immediate-neighbour. It took her about 20 minutes, give or take a few, and then she returned to the warmth of her home.

It’s still snowing, now, at 1pm. But there are four (!!) neighbours ALL using snowblowers to clear their sidewalks and driveways. It takes them less than 5 minutes to do, if you exclude the amount of time it takes to get the machine started.

12 Houses on our street
4 (at least) snowblowers

Does that seem a little.. insane to anyone other than me?

Today is the day of The Occasional Trip To The United States of America. This means that Melle and Lena and I are going to go across the border, as we do on occasion, to visit the various stores that are not in Canada. Like Target. Sweet, sweet, precious Target. Our credit cards will be carefully swiped through every machine between here and Rochester.

The cool thing is that, this time around, we’re bringing Kelly! Huzzah! A genuine, bonafide, previous American! Hopefully that will get us out of any cavity searches at the border. We can flash “our American” and reassure them that we’re all harmless in our own special ways. At the very least, she can reassure the border people that I’m not organized enough to be a threat.

This morning Melle is picking up Kelly and driving to my house. I am then driving the three of us to Burlington (where I will leave my car in an undisclosed location for the day) and Lena will pick us up there to drive us to Niagara Falls, NY. It’s like a relay-race! Without the racing!

I am dreading the actual driving part – in my little car with no snow-tires! – but I’m totally looking forward to spending the day with some of my all-time favourite people ALL AT ONCE. Plus, everyone knows that when I’m anywhere in the United States of America I’m closer to Michelle. It’s magic the way that happens.

On that note, I need to finish drinking my coffee, brush my hair, and try to find something to wear that will keep me warm enough AND not overheat me inside the mall. I suspect my 400 pound, 100% waterproof, 100% windproof, triple-lined, winter coat from the Tractor Supply Co. is a bit overkill. But my hoodie won’t be sufficient. GAH.

Maybe I can just get Melle and Kelly and Lena to huddle around me and keep me warm?

Earlier this morning, when Coffee left for work, I was a little bit relieved. I wouldn’t be inflicting my (previously-noted) murderous rage on him, and I could spend some time in complete silence. Sometimes silence is a good thing for my mood – a chance to ponder and reflect. Sometimes I just need to be alone so I can turn up the music without bothering anyone.

It’s now shortly after noon and Coffee has been gone for about 2 hours. I’d like him to come home now. I’m done with the “need silence” and “time alone”. Now I’ve moved on to “need someone to snug up with” and “wish someone could rub my back right now”.

Of course, were he magically able to take the rest of the day off and come home, I’d probably be pissy about THAT ten minutes after he arrived home and rubbed my back for a bit.

Because today? Today I am JUST BEING DIFFICULT.

“Facile se ipsum excusat, quem non pudet; facile consolatur alium, qui non dolet.”
- Francesco Petrarch (1304-1374)

["It is easy to defend yourself when you feel no shame, and easy to console others when you feel no grief."]

(QotD)

Got THIS stuck in my head today:

“Funeral Of A Good Grrl”
(Bif Naked)

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m in a plain ol’ nasty mood today. Snarky. Bitchy. Irritable and, really, downright angry and hostile. For no obvious reason whatsoever.

Everything is angering me today – from the ice on my car (which I need to chip off but would prefer to sledgehammer) to the mess my beloved husband made this morning while making his lunch (which is something he does regularly and which is not a surprise but which I would like to heft out the front door instead of cleaning up.)

I have a bunch of things I’d like to get done – from crafts to laundry – and just thinking about doing said tasks is making me angrier. What the hell? These aren’t things that must be done, these are things I want to do. WHY DOES THAT MAKE ME ANGRY?

Even my “Blessings and Bitchings” list to WNET was pure bitching today. Not one good, nice, fun thing to comment on.

This morning I received an email about “inviting all the bits and pieces to a party”. Taking the angry, hurt, sad (whatever else) emotions and dragging them out into some loud music. Dancing around or writing snarky letters or flinging balls of socks around.. Well, my angry (and whatever else) parts are not interested. In fact, they’re stomping their feet RIGHT NOW and calling you stupid.

Today’s probably not a good day to ask me for a favour.. I’m, um, just sayin’.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Let me clarify your situation for you, Cancerian. Up until a short time ago, you’d been wandering through halls of mirrors, metaphorically speaking. Then you spied a hammer on the floor, got seized by a rash impulse, and proceeded to smash a lot of glass–again, metaphorically speaking. That was the first step to finding your way out of the labyrinth. Now you’re ready for the next step: actually escaping. As you head out, I advise you to be careful that you don’t cut yourself on all the shards. Liberation is near enough; there’s no need to rush. Walk calmly and carefully towards the sound of the heartbeat you hear in the distance, metaphorically speaking.

(Freewill Astrology)