February 2007

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Question: Which part of you is too tame, overcivilized, and super-domesticated, and what are you going to do about it? Answer, from Jason R., a Cancerian reader: “I was like a mole in a suburban backyard. I had just one little path I trod each day: to the compost pile and back. I chewed on orange rinds and leftover cabbage. I was tamed by the comfort of my familiar environment, content to have a narrow vision. But then I was eaten by a hawk, and became part of a wild, free body. Now I perch on the tops of trees and the peaks of roofs. I survey giddy-wide horizons, from the river to the mesa and far beyond. I have a wealth of choices. Where to fly? What to hunt? Who are my allies? My thoughts breathe deep, like the slow explosion of sun on the morning lake.”

(Freewill Astrology)

I love you my sweet Coffee-cake. You make being brave easy.
Forever and ever. No matter what.
Love,
Violet.

Lately, I have absolutely zero interest in email. I can’t be bothered to check certain accounts; I’m not keeping up with my end of conversations; I haven’t initiated an email thread in eons other than my morning “Blessings & Bitchings” list.

Email has been a very large part of my life for over a decade. I used to waste hours at work keeping up with mailing lists and mass mailings to friends. I’d craft long-winded messages to distract myself from boredom.

And now? I have no idea what’s gotten into me.

I should say – I’m not depressed or feeling isolated. This isn’t a negative-feeling situation. It’s just.. weird.

Last night as I lay sleeping I dreamt that there was a beehive here inside my heart and the golden bees were making white combs and sweet honey from all my failures. -Machado de Assis

It’s Monday and the only – the single, most-important, dedicated-focus – thing that I intend to do today is finish reading the library book I started yesterday.

And wash the sheets/duvet covers. But that’s a much lower priority.

The book (“Rootbound“) is about a man who operates a marijuana grow-op in his (home) basement. He comes to this career via an injury at his contracting job and, very quickly, everyone in his life starts to depend on his income from the illegal operation. Each crop is worth a very large sum of money – money that he needs. The trouble starts when his first harvest is stolen by unknown thieves who somehow knew exactly the right time to raid him.

I confess that I would love nothing more than to see the inside of a gigantic grow-op in person – having seen photos and videos of government raids (and portrayals in television shows like “Weeds”). It’s not the illegality of it that makes it intriguing to me; I just can’t fathom a huge room full of plants and lights and irrigation systems.

The idea of being responsible for thousands and thousands of dollars worth of plants is mindboggling to me. But then, I am not known for providing a nurturing environment for my houseplants. I killed a PEACE LILY very recently – a plant that is supposed to be hardy to environmental pollution. I forgot to water it for several weeks.

It’s probably good that animals get all up in my face when they’re hungry.

I can’t remember where I was going with this, so clearly it’s time to go and grab my book. Back later..

One husband home for the weekend.
One oval of rice. One long slice of eel. One small lace of nori.
One basket of squid tempura.
One big stack of library books.
One new hair dye colour.
One night of perfect sleep.
One brilliant orgasm after another.
One dog asleep on my foot, one dog passed out on the futon in the bright light of the solarium.
One happy girl.

This cracked me up this morning.

It’s like a constant murmering inside my brain:

purpletulipspurpletulipspurpletulipspurpletulipspurpletulips…
purpletulipspurpletulipspurpletulips!
purpletulipspurpletulips…

Obsessed. I swear.

“Joy is the feeling of grinning inside.” – Melba Colgrove

Lately I’ve been having exceptionally vivid dreams, then waking up in the middle of the night feeling completely and utterly giddy. I fall back asleep, wake up a while later, and am still giddy. Back to sleep, wake up, giddy.. over and over and over.

You would think all that waking-up would make me tired and grouchy in the mornings, but I’ve never been a morning person anyway, so it’s hard to tell. Also, my favourite part of the morning is snuggling up to Coffee and drifting in and out of consciousness – it’s pretty hard to be grouchy while doing that – and once we’re out of bed we’re drinking mugs of caffeine and, well, that’s going to seriously cut into the tired feeling.

So, I’m quite pleased to be vividly dreaming and waking and feeling giddy.

Fridays are my busiest day around here, generally speaking. I run errands and buy groceries and clean the rat cage and do all the little things that need to be done before the weekend. This morning I had the house tidied before Coffee even left for work, which means that as soon as I hit ‘save’ on this entry I can walk the dogs and hit the road running. With any luck, I can be home by one or two this afternoon.

That leaves plenty of time for reading! Huzzah!

Speaking of which, I had bailed out on keeping track of books that I’ve read, recently, but I think I want to start that back up again. I’ve read some cool stuff recently and I’m afraid to lose the titles in the dark corner of my mental library. Sometimes, re-reading is a really great thing. So, I may scrap some of the formatting (monthly headings, for example) and just plunk ‘em all down on the reading page to remind myself as needed.

I’m looking for a good recipe for Carrot & Ginger soup (having an abundance of both the main ingredients) and, weirdly, I’ve been craving Tuna Noodle Casserole (Coffee asserts that he’ll humour me and eat some if I promise not to put potato chips in the recipe.) (What kind of person would do that, anyway? CHIPS? IN CASSEROLE? EWWWW!) So, those are the two items I’m seeking this week – if you happen to know a good recipe for either one, please email or leave a link..

And oh, man, can spring PLEASE come now? I’ve been daydreaming about purple tulips and fresh air coming through open windows and playing in the gardens and planting all our vegetables and watching things bloom and grow. Green grass and sunshine and wearing t-shirts outside again. Walking the dogs for more than a few frozen moments. Hiking! Staying up late and watching the sky turn black..

On that note, I’m off to start those errands. Back later, perhaps… And if not, please have a WONDERFUL Friday!

Snuggled up with Daisy, on the carpet, I am rubbing her belly and scratching her head.

She puts her paw next to my face and I am reminded of one of the many reasons I adore her: her feet smell like Cheetos. All the time.

How cute is that?

I suspect I’ll be spending the next few days seeking out purple tulips. Just looking at the picture makes me smile.. Aren’t they gorgeous? I think I need some colour like this..

(image from teleflora)