One Big Ball of Dog.

You’ll have to forgive me, today, for not being at my sparkling-best.

The dogs had an appointment at the vet this morning to get their vaccinations and rabies shots and general checkups. Both dogs are in great health, decent weight (Daisy is perfect; Zoo is, as always, a bit chubby) and they had a lovely time, all told.

The humans… well, not so much of a good time.

I woke up with a raging headache and nausea which wasn’t really improved by the car-ride-from-hell.

Since the dog seatbelts are still packed in a box somewhere, I sat in the backseat of the car while Coffee drove. One dog on each side of me, I held onto their collars and leashes to keep them from visiting the front seat.

It was like trying to manage an entire herd of buffalo in the backseat of a Toyota Echo. One dog would lunge forward, the other out the window, there was a sharp paw in my groin, hair flying, someone pawing at my face, slobber flying, a tongue in my ear, and much, much, MUCH, shrieking and yelping from one black dog in particular.

I thought we’d never arrive. Ever.

But we did. And on arrival, we were ushered into an examination room. The door was shut and we allowed the dogs to explore the tiny room. It was calm for about 2 (blissful) minutes.

Zooey contented herself by sniffing everything she could get near. She snorted, sniffled and wooshed her way around, investigating the memory of every dog who had ever entered the room.

Daisy, on the other hand, decided to shed every single hair on her body in massive fluffy clumps. By the end of the appointment, the exam table and the floor were covered in a thick carpet of fur. It was awe-inspiring, to be honest. Just plain awe-inspiring.

Did I mention how pretty I looked with my clothes fully coated in fur, my face (sweaty from holding dogs and keeping them calm) covered in a ‘beard’ of dog hair, and my head pounding? Gorgeous.

It felt like we were in the office for twelve hours. It was much less than 45 minutes.

I paid for the visit and bought new licenses for both dogs, asked whether I could just “leave them” there for a while – no, not boarding, just, um, leave them? No? Are you sure? – because the ride home wasn’t going to be much more fun than the ride there was. I was willing to start over with new dogs.

We came home. The dogs ate some cookies, drank some water and are currently passed out on the floor – I assume they’re working hard to grow all new hair to replace the folicles they left behind. And holy moses, I am exhausted. And my head still hurts.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be hiding upstairs. Where the dogs cannot get me.

I’m gonna’ be fishing dog hair out of my mouth for the next YEAR. Yeeesh.