You Look Like I Need A Drink.

Last night at our adoption training, we discovered that several people have “dropped out”. They changed their minds. This makes me wonder what, exactly, they were expecting: little shiny-wrapped princess children? Man, we haven’t even gotten deeply into the insanity of it all..

And, as we kind of expected (thanks to JJ’s warnings) it appears that our homestudy will be delayed somewhat as the agency tries to process the foster parents-to-be first. The need for more foster homes is far greater than adoptive homes, so they’re going to work those out first.

I can’t say that I blame them, and it definitely makes sense, but duuuuuuuuuuuuude, I can’t handle waiting! AHHH!

One of the things that was discussed was the variety of reasons children come into care -short and long term – and how a foster/adoptive parent would explain things to a child without injuring their loyalty for their birth parents. I was distressed, greatly, by the people who said they couldn’t handle certain aspects of the child’s past (abuse, drug use, poverty, etc) because it was so foreign to their own experiences or beliefs.

My own thinking is that the whole thing is a prime example of “there but for the grace of god go I” and “never say never”. What’s the difference between me and those other parents? Luck, for sure, and a healthier past. Learning the right lessons at a young age, perhaps, or getting a decent education. Having the right supports in place (family, friends, teachers, employers) or making the right choices at critical moments.

It’s not hard to imagine how, by taking away even one of those elements, I could have been in the same position as the birth parent. It’s pure ego that leads one to say, “No, no, I could never be homeless or addicted to drugs or a single parent or…” Yargh. Take away your job, perhaps, and remove your family support. Take away your high school diploma and toss in an unexpected pregnancy.

And so, after a few people spoke up with their “I can’t understand how someone .. ” I had to speak up with my own thoughts. I’m glad I did, but I felt kind of snarky about it nonetheless.

My biggest concern – and a worthwhile one, at that – is dealing with FASD. I’m terrified of it – the impact it has on a child and on the family and on the future. After reading “The Broken Cord“, I’m even more concerned with whether I could handle a severe case of it. I know it’s prevalent – very very common – in this area and in the children needing homes. I’m trying to do as much research, as much reading and investigation as I possibly can. Trying, I suppose, to find a glimmer of hope.

I’m in awe, to be honest, of all the families who do work with the FASD-impacted children. Just totally in awe.

Mostly, the adoption training is going well. We’re full-steam-ahead with paperwork and filling in all the bits and pieces required. Coffee’s medical will be finished on Friday, mine will be in the foreseeable future, and then we just need to get Coffee’s FBI clearance taken care of before we can sit back and relax a teensy bit (but not for long..)