CANCER (June 21-July 22): Best days this month for smart love, healing beauty, and uplifting adventure: 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 23, 24. Best days for creative outbreaks and ingenious self-expression: 5, 8, 10, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 25. Best days to search for the loot from a 1967 bank robbery hidden in a metal box stashed inside a hollowed-out log in the woods: 2, 3, 9, 10, 11. Best days to dream about a dancing rhinoceros whose careening around a giant ouija board gives you information about an opportunity to manifest one of your most ambitious dreams: 6, 7, 13, 15, 18, 21, 22.
You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October 2007.
Dear 7 a.m.,
You can suck my big left toe.
Love,
V.
I seem to be in a bit of a blogging rut – nothing of interest springs to mind. No old stories, or new, and nothing particularly amusing to report to you. I’m a bit concerned about my NaBloPoMo challenge coming up in a few short days..
Part of it could be that I’ve spent several hours during each of the last few weeks going through my life story in detail. Plenty of “How did you feel about..?” and “How do you think it impacted you?” and other assorted leading questions to answer.
I feel like I’ve trampled through the weeds in the very deepest, darkest, back of my mind. I’ve struggled to remember what I was like as a child and how I felt, exactly, when various things occured. I’ve dredged up various people and places that I haven’t thought about in years.
And, perhaps more importantly, I’ve talked a lot about my parents and the impact they had on me when I was growing up. How our relationships evolved and changed over the years and what my thoughts are, now, as an adult looking back. That part was hard – I still find it difficult to talk about my Dad without getting weepy.
It’s exhausting, is what it is. All of it.
So I’m sort of reluctant to bring any of that here – despite it being my usual place to dump the contents of my brain as I sift through any experience – because much of what I’m talking about in the homestudy process has already been mentioned here and the negatives have already been dealt with in therapy and, well, how many more times can I repeat the same story?
After 2.5 hours, today, of meandering through my late-teens and early adulthood experiences, I’m just plain tired. My life never seems the slightest bit abnormal until it’s laid out in a timeline of destruction and then, being asked to describe the impact of each event on my world, I just feel weary. It’s like dwelling, sort of, on things that I’ve finished dwelling on.
It’s like filling in the same form in triplicate only to be told that you now need to rephrase it all and fill in another set of triplicate forms. And then another. And then, for fun, let’s do another, but this time we’ll make it MORE personal.
Yeeesh.
Tomorrow morning at 9am, Coffee will begin his part of the process and do the private interview in Ingrid’s office. Then she’ll come back here on Thursday to finish up with the two of us, presumably, before heading off to write things up and chat with her supervisor.
And then I shall nap. Oh yes.
More adoption homestudy stuff going on today.. More later? Tomorrow? Soon!
I can’t remember why I was afraid of curry. Not the eating of it, of course, but the making of curried foods.
Was it the strength of the curry paste or powder that I worried about?
Either way, as I sit here eating my breakfast of homemade curried couscous, that fear is a distance memory.
Andrew, in an email that I have not yet replied to (much like every single email I’ve received in, oh, the past decade), mentioned that I have been slacking on the blogging lately.
This is because life around these parts has been full of things that are not particularly interesting to people who are not me. Or who ARE me, for that matter. I mean, it’s pretty much just been.. life.
So, let’s just wander around in my brain for a few minutes, shall we? You may have to add your own segues into this post, so after each paragraph, just mentally say, “Speaking of which..”
I have come to the realization yet again that carbohydrates – in the form of bread and bagels – really improve my mood significantly. This would be a great realization if it weren’t for the fact that PCOS – of which I am afflicted – enables my body to take carbs and turn them into a brand new roll on the ol’ belly within 2 seconds of eating them.
It might not surprise you to learn that I’ve been in a GREAT mood lately but can no longer fit into most of my jeans.
But I’m happy!
But I can’t wear pants without gasping for air!
But.. aw, damn, gotta’ do something about the pant thing, huh? And really, buying increasingly larger sizes of pants may not be the best idea here, even if I could then fulfill the whole “fat people are jolly” stereotype. I can’t afford new jeans every week.
Where the matter of food is concerned, I’m trying yet another grocery store today. My normal store is Sobeys and my back-up store is Zehrs and now, today, I’m going to make an attempt at being a Price Chopper. I have always despised ‘discount’ grocery stores since my experiences with them have never been positive.
Earlier this week I had stopped at the Price Chopper store and noted that it was new, bright, cheerful and clean. And, most importantly, the chicken legs that we feed the dogs are significantly cheaper AND pre-bagged instead of styrofoam+cling-wrap’d. Perhaps I can make this work.
While out and about on that same errand-running day, I met up with a woman who had been in our adoption training class and who informed me that she and her husband have been turned down for fostering and adopting as a result of some health issues.
I felt totally uncomfortable when she asked how our process was going and I reported that we were partway through our homestudy and progressing well. Yeep. It also made me grateful to be who I am with the husband I have and to have things going smoothly.
As I type this, Daisy is demolishing a plastic cottage cheese container that has not contained cottage cheese for at least 20 minutes. Y’know, because we NEVER buy the dogs TOYS or anything.
Organizing and renovations may actually be finished this weekend (!) and that would mean I could post some pictures at long last. Of course it seems like each time I say we’re almost done we find something ELSE to change/move/redo..
And now I’m going to Price Choppers to see if they can chop through my hatred of discount grocery stores. Wish me luck.
From Stephanie!
1. Who eats more?
Coffee probably eats more in quantity but I definitely eat much more junk food.
2. Who said “I love you” first?
I said it first in email. I’m not sure who said it first out loud, however. Hmmm. Maybe Coffee will remind me.
3. Who is the morning person?
Coffee is much more able to get out of bed when the alarm is set earlier than usual – I am a sleep hog, however, and I’d happily sleep all day and night and in between.
4. Who sings better?
Ha! We both have absolutely terrible singing voices. Coffee maintains that my voice is somewhat better, but that doesn’t mean anyone wants to hear me warble and wail.
5. Who’s older?
Me! Sometimes by 2 years!
6. Who’s smarter?
I think we’re both smart about different things and both completely dumb about different things. Combined, we’re fucking brilliant!
7. Whose temper is worse?
Definitely mine. But I’m a big ol’ emotional freak anyway.
8. Who does the laundry?
Me, without fail. Coffee has to carry it downstairs for me, however, since I have this interesting tendency to fall down the stairs all the time. Especially when I’m carrying something.
9. Who does the dishes?
Our dishwasher. I’m the one who usually loads and unloads but Coffee is pretty good at helping with that when he’s around and has time.
10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
Me – but only because the right side of the bed isn’t near the door. I do not like to sleep next to the door.
11. Whose feet are bigger?
Coffee has gigantic Fred Flinstone feet. He wins this one.
12. Whose hair is longer?
Hard to tell. Mine has certainly gotten to an obscene length – but I’m shorter than Coffee, so, really, his could be longer.
13. Who’s better with the computer?
Definitely Coffee. It’s his job, his hobby, and I think it’s an extension of his brain sometimes.
14. Do you have pets?
We share two dogs and a big goldfish. The rats are completely mine since Coffee’s allergic to them and can’t really hang out with them at all.
15. Who pays the bills?
Coffee makes the money and I pay ‘em.
16. Who cooks dinner?
Me, I suppose, since he’s not home for dinner during the week. On the weekend it could go either way.
17. Who drives when you are together?
The majority of the time Coffee drives unless we take my car somewhere. I love being a passenger and getting to look out the windows and daydream and fiddle with the temperature and read signs out loud…
18. Who pays when you go out to dinner?
We have a special “entertainment fund” that we use to pay for dinners out. Occasionally Coffee will use some of his spending money or I’ll use some of my spending money as a ‘treat’ but generally our entertainment fund covers all our dining adventures.
19. Who’s the most stubborn?
Coffee would claim that I am and I claim that he is and we’ll stubbornly stick with that!
20. Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Probably Coffee, but I’m working on this and getting better at not being an asshole.
21. Whose family do you see more?
Uhh.. Mine, I suppose, but I can’t remember the last time we saw my family.
22. Who named your pet?
Daisy was my choice; Zooey was both of us; Jubs was both of us. The rats were mine except for Mina (Coffee picked her out at the store and named her!)
23. Who kissed who first?
I’m pretty sure it was mutual – but Coffee made the move. :)
24. Who asked who out?
No one really asked anyone out – I simply asked Coffee to move from California to Canada to live with me. I’m bold like that.
26. Who’s more sensitive?
I’m more emotionally sensitive – likely to laugh, cry, stomp or otherwise react to things, people, places. Coffee, however, is insanely physically sensitive and is totally ticklish and it cracks me up.
27. Who’s taller?
Coffee, definitely, by about 6 inches.
28. Who has more friends?
Me, but that’s for a variety of reasons.
29. Who has more siblings?
Coffee. He has one and I have none.
30. Who wears the pants in the relationship?
Both of us, definitely. We share every medium-to-big decision. But I boss him around a lot more. :)
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Spiritual teacher A.H. Almaas believes that a genuinely creative act is always motivated by generosity. If that’s true, how do you explain all the ego-obsessed “geniuses” who treat everyone like dirt even as they churn out their supposedly brilliant art? In any case, I’m siding with Almaas’ definition, and I advise you to keep it in mind now that you’re in the most imaginative and self-expressive phase of your astrological cycle. To ensure that your creative juices keep flowing in ways that make you feel really good, dedicate them to spreading inspiration and giving gifts. Halloween costume suggestions: a pregnant painter, a flower exuding bursts of pollen, a sexy midwife.
This morning we met with Ingrid to continue with our homestudy.
The initial part of the meeting was a “quiz” (which I jokingly referred to as the “Cosmo Quiz!”) in which we answered questions both for ourselves and for each other. Ingrid then compared our responses – both 100%, stunningly accurate – and we briefly chatted to clarify some of the responses.
Coffee then departed for work and Ingrid and I sat together on the sofa to chat about my life story.
She noted that for people who do not like to discuss their lives, it can be very hard to get through. I don’t have that problem. I’ll happily tell you pretty much anything about myself if you happen to look in my direction.
I didn’t tell her that I spend my day revealing my life to strangers on the internet, of course, but she noted that I’m a happily chatty person and that her job was just to keep me on track as I rambled.
She had a stack of papers from our training homework that held my answers to questions about my relationship with my parents, my friends, what it was like growing up in my world, and major events in my life (amongst many, many other things). Most of the answers were in the “check a box” format and most of them had a lot of wiggle room for interpretation.
As I told her about growing up, she referred to her stack of papers and asked for clarification or directed me to other topics.
Eating disorders, depression, rape, growing up gifted, what my parents were like, how I felt after my both of my parents had died (being that I’m an only child) and my feelings about life since then, my friends and my passions.. all fair game.
After two hours of that, we still had not made it to my adult life. As such, she’s coming back on Monday afternoon to tackle that part of things.
Can you imagine? Four hours of listening to me ramble! That poor, poor woman.
There’s nothing like spelling out all the major events in your life, bit by bit and piece by piece, to make you start to question whether your life has been as normal as you once believed. I mean, really.
On Monday we’ll finish up with my adult life – my ex, my relationship with my parents as an adult (or, really, just my Dad), my marriage to Coffee, our sex life.. .
Coffee’s turn happens on Tuesday. Same deal.
And then, later next week, Ingrid will return to chat with both of us again and go over our hopes, feelings and expectations for our kid(s). We’ll talk about what we want for our family, our kids, our future and ourselves. What we can handle and, definitely, what we cannot.
Then we’re done with the ‘prying part’.
Ingrid will go back to her office and spend a few weeks – approximately – writing things up and getting our package put together. She’ll put together a really good profile of “us” and what we can bring to a child(ren) and what kind of recommendations she has for us (number of kids, gender, issues, etc).
The hardest part, however, is the waiting that comes between the finalization of that report and the matching process.
This morning is homestudy appointment number 2 of 4. More to come later…
Recent Comments.