April 2008

Since we heard that Grandpa was coming to town, we’ve been working hard to help Maymo understand the concept of “Grandpa” and what that means.

For about a week or so, he’s been referring to him as “Oldest One’s Grandpa!” and, when prodded, he’ll inform me that “he’s not MY grandpa – he’s Oldest One’s Grandpa!”.

Every night since shortly after the boys moved in, we’ve done the “Best and Worst” discussion over dinner. We each take turns saying the best and worst parts of our days while the rest of the family listens quietly.

The past week or so, I’ve been including, “You’ll get to see your Grandpa soon!” on my ‘bests’ list. I’ve explained that the boys are really lucky to have a grandpa, and to be in touch with him (since he normally lives so far away) and that it’s very cool that he’s coming to visit.

I wasn’t sure if it was making sense to Maymo, but the other two have also been including that as a “Best Part” for the past while and adding in some of their own good memories of previous visits and time spent together.

Last night, when it was Maymo’s turn, he shouted, “AND I GET TO SEE MY GRANDPA!”

Excellent.

This morning he came downstairs for breakfast and said, “I get to see my grandpa on Saturday, right?” I confirmed that for him and he shouted, “YIPPEE!!!” while doing a little Maymo-style dance.

All good. Aaaaall good.

I am trying to plan a visit between The Boys and their biological grandfather who is, according to email, in town for a brief while visiting family and friends. He normally lives in Europe so this is not a regular occurrence – in fact, this will be the first time Coffee and I will meet him.

You would think this would be a very simple thing. We get together, the kids are thrilled. The End.

And, to be honest, as far as the kids will ever know, that’s exactly how it’ll be — easy peasy. Not stressful. Not difficult. No concerns! ALLGOODYES!

Y’see, to say I am “stressing” about this entire thing would be to understate things quite significantly.

It’s got nothing to do with him. I mean, I don’t know him – at all – but it’s my understanding that he’s a rather nice man. And, according to all our paperwork, his visits have always been good for the boys in that he’s a “positive” influence and truly loves spending time with them. The two older boys have very happy memories of previous visits (and childhood time together) and, as such, this is not at all the part that’s stressing me out.

What’s stressing me out is trying to figure out a time when Coffee and I are both available (because, obviously, we’d like to meet him and talk to him and discuss how the boys are doing) and because we have a few things we want to ask him, specifically.

What’s stressing me out is that this is a “social occasion” for which there are no etiquette books.

What’s stressing me out is that the house is completely cluttered and messy and, quite amusingly, I had planned to start doing some spring cleaning this coming weekend and now it’s too late.

What’s stressing me out is that Oldest One seems to be setting himself up for disappointment pertaining to this visit.

What’s stressing me out is that I really need some help from Coffee on this and there’s not much he can do being that he’s at work.

What’s stressing me out is trying to figure out how to keep the post-visit emotional aftermath to a minimum because I know – without question – there will be fallout from this.

..and on and on and on.

I intend to call him this afternoon and figure something out but I’m not sure WHAT to figure out. Do we invite him over for dinner? Do we try to figure something out for him to see the kids at archery on Saturday?

Coffee isn’t comfortable with just letting the boys go somewhere with their grandfather without us having a chance to meet him and talk to him a bit (which seems like a reasonable thing to me) so how do we coordinate this?

And, to make this about 90,000 times worse? I despise the telephone. DESPISE IT. So I’ll be talking to a complete stranger who is not really a complete stranger in that he’s my kids’ grandfather, making plans to do SOMETHING that I don’t know anything about, coordinating Coffee’s plans/schedule, and.. ON THE PHONE.

I wouldn’t DREAM of letting the kids see how stressful this is – simply because I don’t want them to interpret what are ultimately MY ISSUES in any negative light. I want them to have a good visit with their grandfather, knowing that Coffee and I fully support it (because we do), and not think we have reservations about any of it (because we don’t).

Y’know, I think I’ll just go make that phone call now and get it over with..

Manifesto of the idle parent
# We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
# We pledge to leave our children alone
# That should mean that they leave us alone, too
# We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
# We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
# We drink alcohol without guilt
# We reject the inner Puritan
# We fill the house with music and laughter
# We don’t waste money on family days out and holidays
# We lie in bed for as long as possible
# We try not to interfere
# We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house
# We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
# Time is more important than money
# Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
# Down with school
# We fill the house with music and merriment

..read the article here. (Thanks to Annika!)

I agree with much of it and, really, the parts that I can’t work into our kids’ lives are because of the particular situation our kids came from before they were foster/adopted.

I’m also a fan of free-range parenting. Trusting the kids. Letting them grow and have space and develop confidence and their own personalities..

I find it hard, sometimes, but I’m working on it.

Oldest One: Oh! Middle One just fell on the hill!

Me: Umm.. He left ten minutes ago. How do you know he fell on the hill?

Oldest One: That is not important. I will ride my bike to where he is and save him.

Me: Well, okay, Lassie. You go save Middle One, then. Do you have your lunch and planner?

Oldest One: (wearing his bike gloves, shoes, etc. and standing in the kitchen) Yes. Now, will I be exiting the house through the rear door or the front today?

Me: The rear door would make more sense since you’re riding your bike and need to get it out of the garage.

Oldest One: Good point. Plus, it’s harder for someone to assassinate us if we go through the back door. They can’t shoot us through the fence as easily.

Me: Y’know, that’s one thing I hadn’t considered. I did not realize that we were in danger of being assassinated.

Oldest One: Yup. Have a good day! Bye! (rides away on his bike)

This is my first attempt at freezer paper stenciling on a tshirt (or anything else, for that matter) so I went with something big and bulky and simple – a hippo.

I added in the “sneeze” after I made a few accidental blobs on the shirt.

Super easy and super fun!

On the weekend I’m going to attempt it with the kids… maybe.

April 20th, 2008 – The Return of Henry and June… and the first time the kids have seen them! I think I’m glad to have cleaned out some of the pond goop this past week – they were both happily swimming around in it. Once they’re a bit more “accustomed” to being in our yard again I’ll try to get some better photos. For now, I’d like to avoid scaring them to death…

Coffee took the kids with him to run some quick errands – and to check out Toys-R-Us – and to celebrate the silence and peace in the house, I decided to “spring clean” the main bathroom floor.

Then I did some laundry.

Seriously, WTF?

nataliedee.com

Is anyone remotely interested in having me post more pictures of stuff I’m sewing? I’m aiming to work on one project per week…

A while ago I made myself a little tiny mug corset – a trial corset. I don’t drink coffee anywhere other than at home so there wasn’t much point in making a “real one” for myself – but I wanted to try the technique and the concept and work with eyelets anyway. It turned out far better than I had expected.

So I asked Nicole if she’d like a “real” one for her morning Tim Horton’s run. She said yes.

Oldest One picked out the fabric. A super hot chick at the store helped me pick out the eyelets.

Today I finally sat down and sewed (and seam-ripped) and sewed and improvised a little and.. well, on Monday it will go into the mail for Nicole. It turned out waaaaaaaaaaaay better than I was expecting and I think I’ve actually improved on my ability to sew a straight line. Heh.

If you are NOT NICOLE, you may feel free to click “more” and see the pictures…

Read the rest of this entry »