For the last 30 minutes before Coffee got home last night I was sitting in the garden with the dogs, weeping.
The entire day was full of angry-yelling-pouting kids.
It started with one kid getting up exceptionally early (and walking on the floor above our bedroom so we could hear it) so he could play a game on the Wii that was meant “for the family” and which his brothers had been really excited about playing.
When we told him that it wasn’t acceptable he launched into tears and yelling. He knows the rules but, of course, they shouldn’t have applied to HIM in THAT situation, right?
He weeped and he yelled and then he stomped around.
When Coffee and Maymo left the house, he dramatically shouted, “Bye Maymo! Have a great day! I love you!” and ignored Coffee completely.
Ditto for later when he left the house for school and I said goodbye – he ignored me.
Then Maymo spent the day being contrary – difficult and whining and complaining about damned-near everything.
The beagle peed on the carpet for fun.
Then Maymo wet his pants while playing the Wii and I had to clean up puddles (and a kid) and do some more laundry.
Dinner rolled around and I was pleased that everything from the BBQ turned out well – all foods the kids like, no less – and I was happy to sit down and put the day behind us.
But we had a dinner at which two kids started yelling, around me, while I tried to talk. They refused to stop and the argument escalated.
I got up from the table and walked away.
I put one kid in bed, we read a long story and snuggled up, and as I went to give him a hug he shouted, “I DON’T LOVE YOU. NO!” so I told him I loved him and went downstairs.
He immediately started screaming his head off.
The garden was the only place I could think to go. So I went.
Coffee came home and I cried and cried and cried on his shoulder. Wiped snot on him. Weeped more about how the kids hate me and I’m a terrible mother.
Weeped about how they do shitty things, freak out when they have to “fix” the issue, yell and scream and then finally calm down and apologize.
Only to go and do something equally as shitty five minutes later.
When I calmed down a bit, I dragged myself into the house where I was met by a kid who wanted me to hang out with him. When I said I wasn’t in a very good mood and didn’t feel like doing what he wanted, he threw down a big sulk and stomped upstairs.
Twenty seconds later I was in my jammas, curled up under my blanket in the bedroom. Door firmly closed.
And this morning, after a decent sleep, I’m not feeling any better.
There’s just one more day of school left, after today, and then the kids are on summer vacation. Just kill me now, ok?
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1. HUG.
2. The first two weeks might be really hard. But after that I still believe that it will be much easier to have them home. Without the interruption of school and all the emotional stuff that goes with it, it WILL be easier for you to navigate what’s going on with them. Of COURSE they will still fight, but I think it will be easier for YOU.
3. There is always military camp. They have camp for that, don’t they? (Insert a joke about boot camp.)
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Oh!
4. My friend Andrea made a little book for her kids (girl, 9, and boy, nearly 7) for this summer. Each page has something they want to do over the summer, including projects, day trips, cooking experiments, etc. Whenever the kids are bored or she is going nuts, they can just turn to a page in the book and they have an activity to do right then. No need to try to remember what the heck they wanted to do.
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Duct tape. Lots of duct tape. ;)
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Everyone tries so hard to make sure that their kids’ feelings aren’t hurt by others and yet they tolerate it when their kids are mean to them.
Unfortunately it happens, kids can be shitty to their parents. I was at times and I regret it everyday. I’ve apologized to my parents in my adulthood for any of the times I was an asshole to either of them.
I say don’t hide in the garden and cry, do it in the livingroom where they can see you and ask if you’re ok. You SHOULD tell them when they hurt your feelings. There was two times in my life when my mother snot cried with frustration of being a mom and those two incidences had so much impact on how I communicated with her from then on. Seeing my mom vulnerable like that made me want to be a better kid.
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kids can be so nasty to their moms. it is a safety thing, I think.
I agree with melly – it is okay for them to know how upset you are, but I also know first hand the power of a solo sob. I lock myself in the bathroom, and have a good cry. then feel like I can get back to the misery.
this will be a tough summer – at the beginning. But you will grow into a pattern, a routine that works.
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The garden is a great place. I’ve got one of those myself, and I use it at least once a week.
If it helps — I think this is what it’s supposed to feel like. Imagine all those poor slobs who don’t get to feel it (or anything much) at all.
No, probably doesn’t help.
Good luck.
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I think it’s okay to show them that it is not acceptable for them to abuse you, and one of the most effective/memorable ways is to let them see the hurt. I also never thought of adults as human until I saw one cry for the first time. Then I reflected on my behaviour and wanted to change it. But I don’t know what parenting experts say, nor am I a parent.
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