See me doing this bum-shakin’ dance? Yeah. YEAH!

So far, everyone is alive. Including me.

If the entire summer were to go as smoothly as today I’d be the happiest Mom on earth.

As I type, Maymo is outside in the tent playing Kirby on his DS. There’s a nice breeze and I carefully placed the picnic blanket in there with him – hopefully he’ll relax and chill for a bit. At the very least, some time away from his siblings can only be a good thing for him since he was starting to get into hysterical melt-down mode over his brother finishing lunch before he had a chance to drain his own bowl.

Oldest One and Middle One are happily playing something on the Wii in the playroom. Oldest One was granted “unlimited World of Warcraft” (for today only) and did log a few hours in before deciding he wanted to play something else. (!?!?!!!) I think they’re playing Lego StarWars but as long as they’re playing peacefully and not screaming at each other, I’m fine with it.

They ate cereal for lunch because that’s all they wanted. I hung out with them while they ate.

As for me.. I have spent most of the day, thus far, searching for sites that are appropriate for the kids to freerange on this summer – and adding them to our whitelist and a customized “start page” I created for them. I’m aiming to add a LOT of sites over the summer.

Suggestions are definitely welcome for any site that’s either educational, fun or just plain good for kids.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
Right?

Like, “Oh, hey, spilled a drink on myself, ha ha ha, beverage FTW!”

Okay, here’s the thing: a decade ago that little “FTW” thing meant “Fuck The World” and it was something people tattooed on their knuckles and it was all bad-ass and now, whenever Oldest One brings out the “FTW” or I see it in someone’s blog, I do not immediately think of “For The Win” and instead get a little shiver of, “Uhhhh…?” in my brain.

Now you know.

The entire day was full of angry-yelling-pouting kids.

It started with one kid getting up exceptionally early (and walking on the floor above our bedroom so we could hear it) so he could play a game on the Wii that was meant “for the family” and which his brothers had been really excited about playing.

When we told him that it wasn’t acceptable he launched into tears and yelling. He knows the rules but, of course, they shouldn’t have applied to HIM in THAT situation, right?

He weeped and he yelled and then he stomped around.

When Coffee and Maymo left the house, he dramatically shouted, “Bye Maymo! Have a great day! I love you!” and ignored Coffee completely.

Ditto for later when he left the house for school and I said goodbye – he ignored me.

Then Maymo spent the day being contrary – difficult and whining and complaining about damned-near everything.

The beagle peed on the carpet for fun.

Then Maymo wet his pants while playing the Wii and I had to clean up puddles (and a kid) and do some more laundry.

Dinner rolled around and I was pleased that everything from the BBQ turned out well – all foods the kids like, no less – and I was happy to sit down and put the day behind us.

But we had a dinner at which two kids started yelling, around me, while I tried to talk. They refused to stop and the argument escalated.

I got up from the table and walked away.

I put one kid in bed, we read a long story and snuggled up, and as I went to give him a hug he shouted, “I DON’T LOVE YOU. NO!” so I told him I loved him and went downstairs.

He immediately started screaming his head off.

The garden was the only place I could think to go. So I went.

Coffee came home and I cried and cried and cried on his shoulder. Wiped snot on him. Weeped more about how the kids hate me and I’m a terrible mother.

Weeped about how they do shitty things, freak out when they have to “fix” the issue, yell and scream and then finally calm down and apologize.

Only to go and do something equally as shitty five minutes later.

When I calmed down a bit, I dragged myself into the house where I was met by a kid who wanted me to hang out with him. When I said I wasn’t in a very good mood and didn’t feel like doing what he wanted, he threw down a big sulk and stomped upstairs.

Twenty seconds later I was in my jammas, curled up under my blanket in the bedroom. Door firmly closed.

And this morning, after a decent sleep, I’m not feeling any better.

There’s just one more day of school left, after today, and then the kids are on summer vacation. Just kill me now, ok?

Me: Yes, I can believe it.

Oldest One: Why would they DO that?

Me: Because the word that “mofo” is short for is one that people don’t usually like kids to say. And since the school has to make the place safe for everyone – including kids who aren’t allowed to swear – they don’t want anyone using it.

Oldest One: That is SO STUPID. It’s just a WORD.

Me: Right.

Oldest One: Besides, a lot of people didn’t know what ‘mofo’ was short for until they said it was banned and then people started asking and NOW they know.

I cannot tell you how hard it was to keep a straight face with the mental image of a bunch of grade school kids running around asking what “mofo” means.

It involves saying specific things in a specific order, ending with, “AND I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!”

The past few nights, however, Maymo has tossed in a new part and I have no idea where it comes from.

Once all the other things are said and done, he’ll pipe up with, “Thanks for the WHOLE DAY, Maymo-Mom!”

That’s the kind of gratitude we should all have.

Last night we sat the kids down to explain some guidelines for the summer. Things like, “No, you’re not staying up all night” and “No, you’re not playing unlimited hours of World of Warcraft” and “Yes, you will still need to shower occasionally”.

On the weekend we’re going to sit down as a family, talk about our summer budget (for the fun stuff, I mean, not the mortgage and groceries) and then we’re going to make lists of all the things we’d like to do. We’ll find out how much everything costs and we’ll vote on the assorted ways to spend the budget.

Then I’ll put together a big calender of events – for the summer – so everyone can see when/where/why we’ll be doing things.

Personally, I’m voting for “hang out at the library and read a lot of books and sleep late” but I think I’m the only one leaning in that direction as usual..

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Today is Report Card day in the house.

As in the past, the deal is that we expect to see lots of “tried his best!” comments. The actual marks don’t matter in the slightest to us. Go ahead, get a big fat “FAIL!” on your report card – as long as the notes say you tried really hard. Not everyone can rock at everything, y’know?

Maymo’s report card came last week and it was totally thrilling to see his progress. He was rewarded today with “Kirby” for the DS. The same game that makes him weep and throw himself to the floor when Middle One won’t let him play. We’re hoping to put an end to, “Can I play Kirby? Can I play Kirby? Now? Now? Now? Can I now?” for good.

The other two are getting “family” gifts – meaning they have to share them. This will please them significantly less than having something to lord over each other but it’s my job to promote harmony and not encourage idiocy. So, y’know, suck it up kids.

–

As it turns out, my rat Mina had a stroke a while ago. She’s recovering nicely – able to move around and climb ladders in the cage and eating happily and grooming her face. The porphyrin she had going on for a while is mostly gone (she’s back to grooming) and she’s happy to lie across my arms and have her face and body gently massaged.

I held her for a while yesterday and placed her gently back in the cage afterward. Then I looked down at my shirt (usually I check to make sure she hasn’t peed on me since rats really like to pee on people) and saw… bugs.

There was a large patch of my shirt covered in.. bugs. Crawling, squirming, shiny little bugs.

And, no joke, I just about lost my mind. I ripped the shirt off, dry-heaving and shuddering and shimmying around the room.

Turns out they’re mites. Ugly mites, too.

And both rats have ‘em.

And I may never be able to sleep soundly again without feeling something crawling on me.

After some research (and more dry-heaving) and after consulting with Coffee (and more shivering and shuddering) it was decided that we’d purchase some Ivermectin from the local farm supply store. Ivermectin in an oral syringe meant for HORSES.

We now have enough Ivermectin to treat an entire country’s worth of rats, I think, given that the dose for a rat is “the size of an uncooked grain of rice”.

I can’t stop shuddering.

Perhaps it’s part of my mother’s teachings: never buy underwear, shoes or bedding that’s been used.

No matter what.

No excuses.

Yesterday, despite my mother’s warnings, I went to Value Village to look at sheets.

I wasn’t looking to cover my own bed in used sheets and, unlike past expeditions to buy used bedding, I wasn’t buying them for the purpose of filling up the dog kennels with cheap, fluffy comforters.

Instead, I was buying sheets for the sole purpose of sewing practice.

Did you know that you can get a really cool patterned sheet for under $5 at Value Village? You can. And there are some amazing vintage sheet sets there – with big ol’ fancy flowers and funky patterns.

Like this:

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And this:

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And this:

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And this, too:

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And my favourite – the one I just about peed over:

Oh yeah. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!

And they’re in really good shape, too. No tears or stains or weird-funky stuff on ‘em.

I shoved them into the washing machine (on hot, extra borax) and them tossed them into the dryer (again, on hot) and now I’ve got several exceptional yards of fabric with which to sew exceptionally cool stuff.

I can’t wait to make something – though that necessitates me finishing up the other 80 projects I’ve got going on.

Do you think I can get any sewing done this summer with all the kids home? Because I’m determined to get some sewing done.

I want to get better at it!

I want to learn more!

I WANT TO MAKE STUFF!

And oh, I’ll definitely head out to Value Village again to look for more cool fabrics. Definitely.

Dinners are not an issue, really, since I’m okay with spending some time preparing and cooking/grilling things.

But lunches? Those are gonna’ be an issue.

I’d like to find food that’s cold – i.e., doesn’t involve cooking unless it’s to cook a huge batch of something that can later be eaten cold. Food that the kids don’t need help preparing, specifically, and can just grab whenever they’re hungry.

The problem is that they won’t eat cold pasta. They won’t eat vegetables. One of them won’t eat sandwiches (?!). Given their druthers, they’d eat cereal for every meal or, the favoured standby, candy.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. So would some sympathy…