Wall-E.

So, have you missed me? Huh? Huh? HUH?

I took the kids to see “Wall-E” today – in a theatre that had, at most, 20 people in it. It was a matinee far enough from when the movie opened that no one else was interested, I guess, which was totally to our benefit.

Watching movies with the kids makes me insane – due to my own issues, I mean – and I did spend part of the movie white-knuckling the arm rest to avoid snatching the crinkly wrappers and empty cups that the children insisted on loudly slurping anyway and flinging them across the theatre as hard as I could.

I was the only one irritated, by the way, and I know this because there was a little girl running up and down the aisles through the whole movie, a boy a few rows back laughing like a hyena in all the wrong places, and from the sounds of it, a couple who were trying to conceive at one of the quieter parts of the plot.

I also had to avoid stuffing something into the mouth of the child who insists on narrating everything that’s going on and hypothesizing loudly about what might happen next.

(“I BET THAT’S A BOMB, MOM!” “HAHAHAHA! Wall-E just picked up that thing! DID YOU SEE THAT MOM?” “Ooooh! That was a big explosion, huh?”)

My favourite part? About 10 minutes into the movie, long after Wall-E has been noted as being Wall-E, Middle One turned to me and said (loudly), “Is this Wall-E now?” which caused the people a few rows behind us to start snickering.

Everyone emerged from the theatre unscathed. Honest. I even enjoyed parts of the movie – though I wouldn’t call it amazing or to-die-for or anything like that.

One of the kids is a chronic complainer which I find really difficult. He complained that we were seeing the movie at this particular theatre (despite him never being there before) and that he wasn’t getting the LARGE popcorn and that his drink was too small (it only came in one size) and that he didn’t want to carry his own stuff and that there wasn’t enough butter on his popcorn and I kept myself from screaming by simply uttering, “I think you meant to say ‘thanks, Mom for bringing me here/buying me a drink/letting me have popcorn, right?’” over and over as needed.

(By the way? 3 kids + 1 adult + matinee pricing + snacks = $60 Jesus.)

The kids are now outside playing for a while in the hopes of burning off some energy and I’m going to start making dinner shortly.

I wonder: is anyone still reading? Have I lost you for good?