I am not, normally, the person you want to turn to when in crisis.
That person was my friend Deb, the one who died a few years ago. She was the strong one who could give you every single possible solution to your problem, help you handpick the best one, and then hold you tight while you did it.
And then she’d refuse to take any credit while complimenting you on your strength and intelligence in solving the problem.
Seriously.
I tend to lean toward moderately useful. Moderately “there” in the moment. Moderately understanding and moderately patient and, ultimately, I don’t think I’ve ever been very good at helping someone out.
Right now I have a friend who’s in the midst of a serious crisis. The kind of thing that makes me wary to step up at the very same moment that I’m picking up the phone or opening up an Pidgin window. Wary because I am not Deb, nor anything remotely resembling her, and because I fear that my power to make things worse far exceeds my ability to make things better.
But my friend needs me. I’ve been doing my best to be useful and to listen and to think of ideas that might help. I’ve been bouncing ideas off of other friends to get some perspective. I’ve listened to those who have also tried to help my friend to see what works and doesn’t.
I am by no means alone in my attempts to help my friend. This is, perhaps, the only reason that I can put myself out on that “trying to help” limb. Recognizing that I am not doing this by myself and that where I am not-so-skilled, some of our other friends have super powers.
Good friends – a good network of friends – might just be the most valuable thing in the world.
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