This is not to say he chants, “TROLLOP! WHORE!” if I do feel like wearing makeup.

(Although that might be kind of amusing, albeit awkward, at the holiday parties coming up, no?)

Today I wandered through the store with Maymo and we saw an end-unit display for makeup. There was a closeup picture of a woman’s mouth, shiny and coated in lipstick/gloss, in front of which I found Maymo standing transfixed.

Me: Whatcha’ lookin’ at?

Maymo: Her mouth is… DIRTY. And spitty! Shiny and wet!

Me: I think that’s lipstick, honey, not dirt or spit.

Maymo: It’s gross.

I was pretty sure I could hear Coffee cheering despite him not even being there.

He’s been snapping pictures ever since. He’s also been taking video.

Happily. Repeatedly. UNENDINGLY.

It’s like living with the paparazzi.

And now I’m going to share some of the photos with you…

I need another weekend to recover.

On Saturday, Oldest One and Middle One had Scouting-related events.

Middle One went fishing and earned his fishing badge. He didn’t catch anything, he says, and was quite down about that.

Oldest One learned all the various and assorted things required to obtain his axe-wielding permit and pyromania permit. Or, um, something along those lines. He was proud – rightfully so!

While they were off doing their thing, Coffee and I took Maymo out for sushi. He gobbled down some tempura yam and declared himself “very brave!”. We both nodded our heads in agreement because, hey, a yam is pretty adventurous for him.

Then Nicole and Melle came over to hang out and chat for a bit since Nicole was in town visiting other friends. It was nice to have some grown up conversation and, since we had a 2 hour time limit, we crammed a lot in. I, of course, spent the whole time monopolizing the conversation and referring to my kids every 30 seconds (or thereabouts).

Ask me again why I have no friends?

After the Scouting-Outings, the kids were tired and totally being jerks. The kind of spiraling behaviour that starts with, “He hit me in the face with a balloon and so I kicked him and then he cried and it was his fault in the first place for hitting me with the balloon and IT’S NOT FAIR THAT I’M IN TROUBLE FOR KICKING HIM.”

Cue an hour of over-tired drama! Freaking out! Screaming!

Sunday was much of the same – drama! tears! fighting! – and by evening I was totally ready for bed. The kids, otoh, were still totally wound up and, true to form, were nearly impossible to drag out of bed this morning when the alarm went off.

Gah, I am NOT a fan of Mondays.

I do have a very special blog entry coming up shortly that I call, “Maymo Gets A Digital Camera For His Birthday”. Stay tuned…

Less than 50 questions for the people who are a little older….

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Luckily for me, Coffee handles the bill paying right now. (We sort of take turns, it would seem.) I think I most dislike paying any of the “intangible” bills like hydro/water.

2. Do you miss being a child?
Once in a while, yeah. Not often.

3. What errand/chore do you despise?
All of ‘em? That’s probably what I miss about childhood – fewer obligations and more time to play!

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
I don’t really ‘do’ romance. Any time I spend with Coffee is better than one single dinner at which we make gooey eyes at each other.

5. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Not at all. Good times! I’d do it again the same way, quite frankly!

6. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
Nothing that I can think of – all my stupid mistakes and dumbass moments have lead me to where I am and what I know, now.

7. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Litwiller. (Not positive on the spelling, though.) She was nice and she played the autoharp!

8. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Lying on the bed reading a book.

9. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Teacher, mother, actress, journalist, doctor.

10. How many colleges did you attend?
One college (Mohawk, for french) and two universities (York and Athabasca)

11. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It was on the top of the stack in the drawer and I have no plans to go anywhere so it doesn’t matter what I’m wearing!

12. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I don’t really have any thoughts on them. I don’t drive unless I need to and I fill my tank once or twice a month (*at the most*) and Coffee hasn’t filled his in months. Our gas spending is fairly minimal.

13. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
No alarm this morning, thankfully. It’s Sunday and no one needed to be anywhere for anything!

14. Last thought before going to sleep last night
Oh, god, I am so tired and.. zzzzz.

15. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Honestly, no one. I can’t think of any famous person that I’d like to have a long conversation with at this point. If this question was about which famous person I’d like to have wild, crazy monkey-sex with, I’d be better able to give you a list!

16. Indoors or Outdoors?
Both, depending on my mood.

17. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Nope.

18. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
I always thought I would but what I’ve discovered is that I have so many hobbies and things I like to do with my spare time that I leap at any ‘spare’ moment for those. Maybe when the kids are all in school full-time?

19. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in! There’s some pleasure in getting up and getting the day started so more can be accomplished, of course, but mostly I quite like sleep!

20. What is your favourite cartoon character?
I guess I’ll go with Pinky & The Brain.

21. Favourite thing to do at night with a guy/girl?
Gender-wise, it makes no difference. I quite enjoy just.. talking.

22. When did you first start feeling old?
I don’t yet feel old. Maybe I’m in denial? I think I’ll truly feel old when I have nothing left to look forward to…

23. Favorite lunch meat?
Spicy salami! But I eat Tofurky any chance I can get.

24. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
I do not shop at Wal-Mart. I will NOT shop there.

25. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
I think it depends on your reasons for getting married. I don’t think anyone should ‘have’ to do it in order to obtain any special privileges or rights and, similarly, I don’t think being unmarried should hold you back from anything at all (or have a stigma attached to it). I do think it’s like any other ritual – you either wanna’ do it or you don’t and it should be your own personal decision.

26. Favourite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
I freely admit that Bad Santa is my favourite movie. Except to the kids. It’s not appropriate for them. Yet.

27. What’s your favorite drink?
Dr. Pepper. Water.

28. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
From high school? No one, really. I’ve found some on Facebook and I’ve heard stories about the others and, really, no point going backward, right?

29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No clue. I never, ever ever listen to it. I connect a little USB flashdrive to my stereo or I listen to my mp3 CD and.. all good.

30. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
I’ve watched both before and didn’t see how Sopranos ended and gave up on Desperate Housewives fairly quickly.

31. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I did have some serious asshole moments back in the day, but.. nah.

32. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
I have no job. :)

33. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
Nope.

34. Last book you read?
Uhh… something?

35. Do you have a teddy bear?
No, but I do sleep with an Ugly Doll for my pillow…

36. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In a pond.

37. Do you go to church?
Nope. Well, other than dropping the kids off at the church auditorium for Scouting!

38. How old are you?
33

I believe I am supposed to feel slighted or upset by this, with hurt feelings and all, and that I’m supposed to then apologize for telling him that he actually has to do his chores or do his homework or, well, whatever it is that he’s mad about.

The problem with his plan is that if he’s mad, and not speaking to me, it means I do not have to listen to him being mad.

His pattern has always been that if he feels something is unfair he launches into a constant whine. The hashing and rehashing and retelling of his side of things, with slight variances in the telling meant to add drama or score extra points, goes on and on and on. He yells! He freaks out! He cries! He explains in great detail how the entire situation is NOT FAIR even if he was given ample warning that his behaviour was veeeery close to earning him a consequence.

This new silent thing? A TREAT!

I do not have to hear how mean I am or how unfair the situation is.. or anything else, for that matter. I do not have to solve his problems, listen to him whine or bitch, and I do not have to repeatedly explain why he’s in trouble for doing X or not doing Y. I simply state my reasoning for the consequence (or why his behaviour sucked) and then he skulks off to be mad at me.

He does not follow me around whinging. He does not yell.

And then, when he is finished being mad at me, he goes back to speaking again. There are hugs and general happiness. All is forgotten (if not forgiven) and he’s happy to move on.

But the part where he tries to make me feel bad for the consequences? I don’t think he realizes how totally, completely and utterly UN-BAD I feel and how much I am just fine with the “punishment” he’s applying.

And I certainly won’t tell him…

My thinking here is that I’ll encourage Middle One to deal with his anger at me by, oh, cleaning the house. THAT’LL show me, too, no?

(This post brought to you by a Southern Ontario rainy day and Oldest One’s refusal to give his brother the rain jacket he outgrew a very long time ago.)

The clerk behind the counter was a young woman, maybe 24 years of age, who had a rather substantial set of boobies.

And they were on display within her tanktop-under-hoodie outfit.

Nothing scandalous, or inappropriate, just.. prominent.

When the clerk bent over to get a bag for our purchase from under the counter, she leaned forward slightly and I’m pretty sure I actually heard Middle One’s jaw drop. Oldest One was completely oblivious to the scene, despite standing a foot away, but Middle One was in awe.

I turned to look at him and he was fixated. Totally, completely and utterly mesmerized by the view.

This completely cracked me up because, hello, he’s eight and he’s noticing girls and, well, the open-mouthed stare was pretty darned funny.

I didn’t say anything to him – the clerk was close enough that I didn’t want to embarrass either her or Middle One – but Coffee chastised me later for not letting Middle One know the rule that you can stare but ONLY out of the corner of your eye. Y’gotta’ play it cooool.

I cannot WAIT for the boys to start dating.

I am a.. not-very-good photographer.

Everyone I’ve ever spoken to about this “problem” reminds me that digital cameras mean I can take 800 shots of the subject and pick the best (which I do) and I try to be aware of the limitations of my camera (and, too, remind myself that I can’t afford a fancier one that wouldn’t help me much anyway, so there’s no point in coveting the fancy-schmancy cameras at ALL).

I read my manual for my camera and still have no idea what I’m doing. It really is a miracle when a good picture turns out – which are the ones that I show you, generally.

It’s particularly hard because there are SO many beautiful things in my life, in my world, that I’d like to show you. So many people and places and colours and moments that I just can’t capture worth a crap.

I have gorgeous kids. Very cute dogs. A husband who I love. A house with gardens that burst into unbelievable blooms in the spring and summer.

And, of course, I read blogs by people who have amazing skills. People who capture emotions and moments in time that totally make you feel like you’re THERE. My jealous kicks in and at the same time I think, “Oh, man, I shouldn’t post anymore pictures because, yeeesh… I suck!”

So there you have it. That’s why my blog isn’t chock full of amazing photos every single day. Not because I don’t have stuff to show you but because the stuff I want to show you looks better than I can possibly show.

Okay, maybe sometimes it’s not the camera…

He’s still cute though, huh?

Two friends are visiting this weekend with the possibility of a stop-in by a third. Yay! Grownups!

I’d like to go to Goodwill sometime soon and start picking up some “fall” t-shirts. Black, of course. Goodwill shopping makes me feel wealthy.

Maymo loves school. I love that he loves school.

I’d like to find some really thick tights so I can wear skirts this autumn and not freeze my ass off. But they must be totally black and not remotely see-through because I do not have any urge to shave my legs this season.

Oldest One and Middle One both have activities this Saturday. Middle One is going fishing with his Cub pack and Oldest One is going to earn his axe, knife, killing-bears-barehanded and the ‘setting fire using only your teeth and your sparkly eyes’ permits with Scouts.

Tonight we’re having pizza for dinner.

This weekend will, with any luck, be a great big purge of stuff from the garage and house, along with some good ‘fall cleaning’ inside. I say that now, but when I wake up tomorrow I know I’ll be more excited about lying around the house with a mug of coffee and a library book.

Ice water is your friend. Drink more.

Lately I’ve been missing my Dad like crazy. Everything reminds me of him, songs come on the radio that he loved, photos appear when I’m not expecting them.. it’s nice to feel like he’s kind of “around” but, man, I miss him.

Plus, he likes to shout it across the playground to me and he yells it and he sings it and he LOVES me right back. Loudly and outwardly and pretty much constantly.

And then there is this:

Me: Goodnight Maymo! I’ll see you tomorrow, ok? Have a good sleep and have good dreams! I LOVE YOU!

Maymo: Mom? You don’t have to say that you love me anymore. I KNOW.

Me: Well, I’m glad you KNOW that I love you, but I’m still going to tell you. Because I do love you and I don’t want you to ever forget!

Maymo: (sighing like his life is so hard) I KNOW you love me. I won’t EVER forget. And I love you. And you will love me every day and tomorrow and forever and ever ALWAYS.

Me: You got that right, kiddo. Now, goodnight! And I love you!

Maymo: Goodnight! I love you!

Coffee refers to himself as “the guy that’s shackin’ up with Maymo’s Mom” because for the moment Maymo is totally and completely in love with me. He gets really excited about Coffee coming home, or Coffee playing with him, but oh, man, he thinks I am TOTALLY better than sliced bread.

I know it’ll end soon enough – of course – so I’m totally enjoying it while I can. How can I not?