September 2008

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.” –Erica Jong

The other night, at Scouts, two women were discussing their respective families and marveling about how they both have four kids and how very rare that is these days.

Inside my head, I was thinking, “No shit, of course it’s rare. You’d have to be CRAZY to have four kids! Wow!” but instead I kept silent.

Then it occurred to me that I’m only one kid away from FOUR kids myself. Clearly I am ALSO crazy because, hello, three kids?!

And I even had to concede to myself that, ultimately, adding another kid wouldn’t even be that big of a deal if it weren’t for my flat out refusal to purchase a mini van.

An even number of people in our family would at least making divvying up that last hot dog easier.

Plus, Maymo wants a little girl in the house.

So I can see how we’d end up with four kids and how it would just be another person screaming, “MOM! MOM! MOM!” all day and all night and another person for me to remind to “Brush your teeth” and “Did you say please?” and not really something that’d phase me.

Gee, maybe the boys’ oldest brother (15YO who is now 16) would like to move in?

No, no, I think I’d like to cling to what’s left of my sanity. After all, I read that having three kids is now considered a “luxury” which means y’all are totally jealous of me and I’ll stick with that instead of heading over to the, “Holy crap, she’s insane!” side of things.

(No, we’re not adopting more kid(s) and no, I am not pregnant nor will I ever be…)

(Yeah, I know you already think I’m insane and you’re not even remotely jealous of my ‘status’ as a cool mother of three..)

We’re working really hard on teaching all of the kids how to do some basic problem solving.

For a long time, even the smallest of problems would totally perplex them to the point of paralysis and tears. Just a complete freeze and bawl and no concept of how to ask for help, get help or figure something out.

Coffee and I spent a lot of time looking at each other with the eyebrows-raised thing going on because, well, most of these moments were not dire or dangerous or embarrassing in the slightest. Quite perplexing and half-amusing if it weren’t for the kids’ distress.

But all three kids are getting better with gentle prodding and careful instruction on “how to solve problems”.

Evidence:

Maymo: (near tears) Mom, I can’t find any shorts and I want to wear shorts and I don’t know where they ARE.

Me: Okay. So you have a problem and the problem is that you can’t find any shorts to wear?

Maymo: Yes.

Me: And did you look everywhere you could for the shorts?

Maymo: Yes! And I can’t FIND them.

Me:What do we do when we have a problem that we can’t solve?

[long pause as I wait for him to say "ask for help". Instead, he stands there staring at me blankly]

Me: Maymo? When you have a problem to solve, and you can’t do it by yourself, what’s the first thing you should do?

Maymo: I KNOW! I KNOW!

Me: Okay, what? What should you do?

Maymo: (proudly) I should THINK!

Today Maymo turned 5. He assures me that he is a big kid and, on measuring him and discovering his recent growth of about 2 inches (in about 2 months!) we can all agree that, yes, he IS a big kid.

He hurried off to school this morning, having eaten his bowl of cereal, and will be opening presents and eating his CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING, MOM, cake when everyone is home tonight.

But here’s the obligatory “first thing in the morning” birthday present in case you wondered what 5 year olds look like. Also, an added bonus, you can see what an 8 year old looks like on a 5 year old’s birthday.

More photos later, I’m sure!

I love the smell of Daisy’s feet. They smell exactly like Cheetos.

But, apparently, they only smell that way to ME because no one else thinks they do.

So, whenever I find her lying down somewhere, happily napping, I run up and sniff her feet.

Is that… weird?

Me: How was school today, Maymo?

Maymo: Good. You love me best and we should send my brothers away, ok?

Me, wondering what, exactly, he learned at school today: Really? And where are we sending them?

Maymo: To [foster parents'] place. And then you will only love me and Dad will only love me.

Me: ..but I already love your brothers, too.

Maymo: But they are MEAN sometimes. You are never mean. AND you love me best and so does Dad and so we will send my brothers away. They can’t come home today!

Me: I’m not sure this plan is going to work, honey.

Maymo: Yes. It will work. You can call [foster parents] and they can pick my brothers up at school today.

Clearly I have some phone calls to make today… ;)

Maymo is not particularly pleased by this new morning SK routine – getting up with his brothers is difficult, the temperature of the Entire World is too cold, cereal is too difficult to eat in the morning, he wants to brush his (non-existent, really) hair, and the whole “walk to school with your middle brother and not your oldest” just plain SUCKS as far as he’s concerned.

But he likes his teacher. He likes his class. And oh, he loves walking home with me at noon. He always has great stories to tell me and fabulous adventures to report and I love how enthusiastic he is about the whole concept of school at this point.

Tomorrow he turns five.

FIVE!

We have purchased him some Transformers, some DS-related stuff, and he has made it very clear that he will only accept CHOCOLATE cake with CHOCOLATE icing, so, of course, I’ll be making that tomorrow while he’s at school.

He’s having a family-only party this year, sadly, due to not knowing any of the kids at school well enough to invite them home. He seems okay with this, thankfully, and I imagine next year he’ll already have a friend (or twenty) to invite over.

On an equally as wonderful note, he absolutely loves going to Beavers. The other kids are fun! The crafts are fun! The uniform is fun! Can we go now? Now? Now? Why isn’t Beavers EVERY night? Can he stay with Middle One for Cubs AND go to Scouts on Wednesday with his oldest brother?

WHY NOT?

The kid is a total social butterfly who loves nothing more than being surrounded by a bunch of people he’s never met before – he really goes with that whole “a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet” theory. It’s really cool to watch and it’s also very clear that he’s not biologically related to ME because, oh, man, the kid has no social anxiety whatsoever.

I love watching him run up to a group of kids, tap one on the shoulder, introduce himself and start playing.

And it also breaks my heart when that other kid turns away or ignores him. But it doesn’t seem to phase Maymo in the slightest – he just turns, finds someone else, and plays with them.

I am so totally smitten with that kid.

–

Middle One is adjusting, slowly, to his new class and new teacher.

He seems to be making friends and, so far, is also greatly enjoying Cubs. The pack is going fishing on the weekend and he’s totally excited at the chance to use the fishing rod that his grandpa brought when he came to visit in May. No word, yet, on whether Coffee will be going along to help or not – but we’ll hear soon, I imagine.

His reading seems to be improving (!) and he’s working hard at sounding out words that he doesn’t recognize – a HUGE step from where he was at the end of last year and over the summer. I’m so relieved every time I hear him attempt to sound something out, honestly, that I cant help but smile.

On the flip side, though, he’s already been in trouble – on a fairly big scale – for using his scissors inappropriately (apparently “flipping them open and closed in another student’s face”) which doesn’t please me. He understands why it was wrong, though, seemed contrite and made sure to leave the scissors at home. He also asked me not to tell Oldest One about the infraction.

The issue with the teasing of a classmate was resolved – he wrote a totally amazing apology note to the parent of the kid (his idea and his words) and he apologized to the little girl directly. He was really concerned about her feelings, and he made a good connection on the basis of having been teased himself last year. I think I managed to convey to him that you don’t have to LIKE everyone but you can’t be cruel to them.

Good life lesson for everyone, really, no?

He’s growing and he’s stretching and I think he’s finally starting to find his place in our family. It’s always been there, of course, but he’s starting to feel it and accept it. I’m really, really glad.

–

Oldest One is teetering on the edge lately with his school work. He’s been forgetting papers at school (related to his homework) and getting some “incompletes” in his planner. His teacher is watching him like a hawk -as are we – and we’re all prodding him to keep up on things and to work hard. It’s frustrating to see him squandering his time, his motivation and doing a half-assed job.

At the same time, he seems to recognize it and is doing a bit of self-correcting (which is a HUGE change from last year and totally something worthy of celebration). He’s been scheduling his time well, reminding himself to check his chore chart (which includes “homework” as an entry) and has initiated some discussion with Coffee and I about how school is going.

He has his second week of Scouts tonight, too, and I’m hopeful he’ll continue to enjoy it.

He’s been much less moody and much less angry and there haven’t been any screaming-door-slamming moments for a while. I’m hoping that means he’s finally accepting the consistency of life around here. It’s really cool to watch him growing into a teenager, to be honest, and to see how far he’s come already in becoming a cool person to know..

–

All in all, the school year is underway and seems to be going well. Adjustments are taking their time but definitely happening and there haven’t been any major issues – which is a nice relief, quite frankly, for me.

I could use more sleep, of course, but otherwise I have no complaints.

About two weeks ago, I believe, I was brushing my hair in the bathroom when I looked in the mirror and noticed something.. odd.

My nipples were pointing both downward AND to the side of my body.

Even if you don’t have breasts you know that’s not a good thing.

I mean, I’m 33 years old and I realize my boys aren’t going to be pointing to the sky or anything, but there’s just no excuse for a bra that not only doesn’t support but also seemed to be mushing the breasts in the wrong directions.

And so, I spent several hours trying on approximately 400,000 bras in a local store.

I started with fancy bras. Colourful! Lacy! Stringy! And when none of those fit properly, and when I started to feel kinda’ sweaty, I went home.

A few days later I had recovered my cheerful attitude and I went back to the store and wrangled my breasts into the standard style of bra – beige, underwire, bland. I told myself that at least I’d have something supportive. Something functional.

And yet… nothing fit.

I know my size. I know what I want.

I also know what I do not want and what doesn’t feel comfortable.

I came home and figured I was just going to have to make some custom bras out of duct tape. My assets are large enough that going without a bra isn’t an option I’m willing to go with very often.

So today I tried to remember where my favourite bras had come from before I began picking them up in the USA on occasional shopping trips. I recalled a place in Toronto (ha!) and then, like a bolt, I remembered my all-time favourite bra. It was soft and pretty and supportive and lasted a million years (or thereabouts) and ohmygod, yes! YES YES!

To the mall!

I made my way to the women’s Plus Size store “Addition-Elle”, grabbed my size from the rack, and.. IT FIT!

The very first attempt fit perfectly!

Locked in the dressing room, half-naked, I started giggling to myself. Like a school girl.

Like a school girl with a perfect-fitting bra, to be specific.

Four bras came home with me – each one soft and comfortable AND PRETTY.

Do I seem perkier to you? BECAUSE I TOTALLY AM.

“I thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. Well done. That is what all parents should do.” — Tina Fey

I’m drinking a glass of Dr.Pepper into which I have dissolved several spoons of fiber.

Am I fifteen or ninety?!?