December 2008

Swiped from Linda..

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
A lot of parenting-related things! I survived a whole year (!) as a parent of 3 kids! I swear, honest, I’ll stop being so surprised by that shortly. Maybe.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year I didn’t make any resolutions – I figured I had enough to manage – but this year I’ll definitely be making a few. I’m going to encourage the kids to make some, too, with “measurable milestones” and all.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I can recall! I think everyone came in under the wire of 2007.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope – and, may I say, PHEW! I’m hoping my “Everyone Dies Around The Holidays” streak is now fully, completely and utterly FINISHED.

5. What countries did you visit?
I didn’t leave Ontario (Canada) other than to go to the United States for some shopping in NY state.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Patience. Resolve. More confidence in myself. Money! Spare time. Hobbies. Oh, and some naps! (ha)

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There are no specific dates that I’ll remember more than others, but there are obviously certain events that rocked (like finding out our adoption will be finalized soon).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I know I’m repeating myself, but I’m seriously impressed that I made it through my first year of parenting. I’m also pretty happy that I juggled all the assorted tasks, requirements and bits-n-pieces required to help the kids get through the year. I kept ‘em alive!

9. What was your biggest failure?
That’s a tough question to answer. Most of my failures haven’t been enormous this year – they’ve been generic, run-of-the-mill kind of failures and mistakes and missteps. Thankfully.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The kids have brought me the plague a few times, but for the most part I’ve been quite healthy in big ways. My wrist and its “severe tendonitis” has healed 99.9% with only occasional flare-ups. Even my cat allergies have been minimal!
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Happy Monday.

The basement is covered in puddles of water.

The children are insane. Bitchy. Insane. Bitchy.

Coffee went back to work today.

Kill me…

(Photo by Jenn)

A few days ago, we very quietly marked the end of our first year as a family of five.

It occurred to me then, and now, that I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing as a parent. I mean, yes, the kids are clothed and fed and generally clean(-ish) and I seem to get them to their assorted obligations (Scouts, school plays, friends’ homes). They’re healthy and they’re growing and they seem to be reasonably well-adjusted to us.

I’ve learned what they like to eat – and don’t – and I’ve learned valuable lessons about routines and bedtimes and the preferred flavours of chewable vitamins. I know the lyrics to the Magic Schoolbus cartoon and I know how much it hurts to step on a chunk of Lego with a bare foot.

I’ve also learned how many days I can go without showering (more than you’d think) before I feel really, REALLY gross. I’ve learned how to cry quietly in the bathroom and how to keep a straight face while lecturing someone.

My standards have dropped drastically in many areas – like housekeeping and eyebrow waxing.

But I still really don’t feel like someone’s mother.

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I am remarkably, ridiculously, overwhelmingly thrilled to report that Christmas is OVER.

In fact, if it weren’t for Coffee, I’d have already taken down the tree and packed up the ornaments. I’d leave the lights up, though, because that’s my favourite part of the whole deal.

I’m done! Over!

Not helping things is the fact that I’ve been sick, basically, since the first day of vacation. I’m stuffed up and snotty and achey and freezing/sweating and exhausted and.. really, that’s not helping things. My enthusiasm is pretty fucking low.

The best part of the holiday was that Coffee had time off – paid! – and while he does have to work on Monday and Tuesday coming up, he’ll be off for 5 days after that. I realize that, to some, a few days off doesn’t sound fabulous or anything (and, I also realize that to others it sounds dreamy) but to me it’s a bit of heaven to have him around.

One of the presents I received is a gorgeous fountain pen. I’ve been practising my signature and even wrote my first letter with it (today). It’s totally decadent and, if I’m being honest, the purple ink makes it feel downright regal. I want to write and write and write and write..

The kids had a good holiday, I think, scoring some xbox games and a few things that they really wanted. It was more than a little disheartening that one of the kids spent a good chunk of time dissecting his gifts and basically tossing them aside after opening (and then asking, “Are there any MORE presents???” WHY?”).

I tried hard not to take it personally but, well, I’m only human and it made me weepy.

I know the holidays are a time of transition around here – the anniversary of the boys moving in is just the tip for all of us – and I know my own track record of holiday enjoyment is pretty much nil due to historical events like the death of my parents near the holidays. But I’ve been trying to keep things positive and I think I’ve done okay, if not fabulously.

Did I mention that I’m glad Christmas is OVER? Yes? Okay, just checkin’.

Yesterday, boxing day, we made our way to the mall to meet up with 16YO for a few hours. The boys’ grandfather had sent me some money with which to purchase gifts for them and the unanimous decision amongst the boys was that Boxing Day Sales were the way to go, especially when combined with spending time together.

Y’know how I feel about malls in general? Amplify that by about 40,000 hatred points for “Boxing Day Sales” and “Asshole People In Large Crowds” and you’re nearing the “festive” mood I was in. Luckily, I got to spend time leaning against a wall and people-watching while Coffee helped the kids pick out games and toys and things that they wanted.

My boys were most thrilled, though, at getting to spend a few hours with 16YO – they didn’t really care about the location. We did this whole thing “off the radar” and didn’t involve 16YO’s social worker or care home worker. I suppose that could have been a disaster, but, ultimately, things were okay on our end and I assume it’s all good on 16YOs side, too.

I want the boys to see each other more often, to make it less of an ‘event’ when it happens, and it’s just not possible when you’re trying to coordinate professionals and their schedules along with the schedules of 4 kids.

I’m counting the days ’til 2009 with the hope that a lot of little things will sort themselves out, some excellent resolutions will be made, and a fresh start on some other bits and pieces will take place.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go kick someone’s ass at Tetris..

Merry Christmas!

Thank you for reading, commenting, laughing, supporting, advising and otherwise being a huge part of my life for the past year. I consider you friends and I’m glad to have “met” you, even if we wouldn’t recognize each other if we passed on the street!

To those of you who lurk, I hope you’ll pop into the comments at some point in 2009 so I can get to know you, but I thank you for reading. I see you in my stats and it makes me smile. Thanks!

To everyone: May your holidays be shiny and bright and wonderful!

Here’s how things go around here lately:

The kids fight, scream, break every rule they can think of, hurt each other, argue. They’re wound up beyond “wound up” and they’re lying, trying to get each other in trouble, breaking stuff..

and then,

I go downstairs to my office, put my head on the desk, and cry.

Sure, I’ve tried other methods!

I’ve tried discussing the problem with the kids . Politely and calmly and NOT in the heat of the moment.

I’ve tried explaining why they need to follow certain rules. Why the rules are in place and what we should do if we feel a rule isn’t fair or isn’t working.

I’ve asked for their input on how to make things better. What would help them be able to get along? What would make it easier for things not to devolve into a shitstorm?

I’ve explained how their actions are impacting on me, of course, but also how their sibling(s) feel. It’s not fun to have your feelings hurt. Your brother doesn’t want to play with you if you’re going to lie about things to get him in trouble. Mom cannot focus on getting her own chores done if you’re screaming at each other.

And, in the end, the weeping on the desk is the most effective because at least I feel better when I’m done. Dammit.

Dear Girls In The World,

Please stay away from Oldest One. I know you think he’s “cute” .

You may flirt with him when he is 30-ish and not a second before.

Sincerely yours,
Violet.

Even if you are not reading my blog through a feed-reader like Google Reader, you are TOTALLY not seeing things the way they’re supposed to be around here.

Click on this link to see what my blog is SUPPOSED to look like.

The analysis indicates that the author of http://miserablebliss.ca/blog is of the type:

ESFP – The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead – they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation – qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

(Check your blog here.)

AND..

From 41Q:

Your personality type:

Quiet, reflective and idealistic. Interested in serving humanity. Well-developed value system, which they strive to live in accordance with. Extremely loyal. Adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. Usually talented writers. Mentally quick and able to see possibilities. Interested in understanding and helping people.

Careers that could fit you include:

Writers, artists, counselors, social workers, English teachers, fine arts teachers, child care workers, clergy, missionaries, psychologists, psychiatrists, scientists, political activists, editors, education consultants, journalists, religious educators, social scientists.

Today is the five year anniversary of the death of my best friend. You totally missed out by not knowing her, and I’m not just saying that.

For whatever reason, this year seems to be hitting me harder than usual in the “missing Debbie Sue” area and I keep thinking about how awesome she was and how much I miss her. She was seriously an amazing person and her death continues to suck because, like many deaths, it’s NOT FAIR.

This morning I went to make a sandwich and noticed that the meat I was putting on it was.. grey. And crunchy. And expired in mid-November. It also smelled kind of like my feet. No, I didn’t eat it. No, I didn’t feed it to the kids, either.

Speaking of which, the kids are assholes at the moment. They’re off from school, cannot control themselves, fighting like they’re rival gangsters, screaming, throwing things, and injuring each other with reckless abandon. Every thirty seconds, one of them starts crying or yelling because of “what HE did”. Currently they’re in separate rooms because it’s the only way I can keep from knocking their heads together a la Three Stooges and calling them all “knuckleheads”.

The beagle will not stop howling – and howling and howling – because “there’s a cat! a cat! a cat!”. Even when said cat is nowhere nearby. It’s not mean howling, and she’s not being vicious or anything, but it’s shrill and high-pitched and I think I’m going to save up my money and buy some noise-cancelling “airplane landing” ear muffs.

Oldest One wanted to pick up one last gift for Coffee. This necessitated us going to a store. And going to a store on December 22 sucks balls no matter how hard you try to make it “fun” because the store is full of people who are NOT trying to “make it fun” and who are assholes. And so, it was not fun. And people are assholes.

Ho Ho Ho, fuckers.

My stress levels are somewhere around 90 (on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is the worst and 1 is the best) and it’s only 3:09 pm which means, no, I cannot start drinking. Not even under the guise of “the holidays!” and not even if I mix it with a drop or two of eggnog.

I have a heap of presents to wrap, my room looks like something exploded, I can’t find anything, I have no clean clothing..

Coffee is at work. He is, in theory, coming home at some point but if he decides to simply flee to another country, I’ll totally understand his reasoning. What’s more fun than coming home to a house full of insane children and a wife who’s feeling stabby?

Seriously, is it OVER YET?