January 2009

1. Our bedroom is 95% “done” as far as tidying, organizing and sorting goes. It feels awesome to be able to walk around without bumping into something, tripping over something, or just feeling vaguely claustrophobic. I feel totally inspired to finish it up!
2. We made 18 pans of cinnamon rolls yesterday/last night. Some will go to neighbours, some to friends, and some will go to work with Coffee tomorrow. It was a lot of work but, man, the house smells delicious!
3. Smashed Chickpea Salad for breakfast. It’s even better the second day!
4. As much as I hate the end of the weekend, I do quite enjoy getting back into a routine on Monday when it comes to things like “showering” and “eating breakfast” and the like.
5. Snoop Dogg. (What?)

1. Oldest One is going to a birthday party today. I love when the boys are social.
2. The huge mess I made last night while sorting books and sewing supplies is almost cleared.
3. Smashed Chickpea Salad is on my “things to make today” list. Doesn’t it look yummy?
4. Figuring out why things kept moving around in a room that no one went into (hint: ceiling cat)
5. Beautiful sunshine streaming through the windows.

1. The slow-but-steady progress we’re making on decluttering and tidying and organizing things around here is slow, yes, but it’s delicious once even a small chunk is finished.
2. My sewing machine is now in the bedroom and not in the solarium anymore. This means I can use it at night (there are no lights in the solarium) and even when it’s really hot or cold outside (the solarium is all-glass so not particularly insulated either way).
3. The kids are sloooowly growing more accepting of healthier foods which means, of course, that I can eat some healthier foods too. Salads!
4. I think we’ve picked out colours for painting the dining room and living room (and front hallway, too). I love our whore-red sofa but man, it’s hard to coordinate around.
5. Coffee went out to get groceries today which means we’ll have plenty of food for the week, as usual, but it also means that I didn’t have to go and do it on my own or with Maymo. Phew!

Written yesterday…

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This afternoon, I filled in the paperwork required to obtain the boys’ birth certificates.

There’s a mandatory 30 day waiting period after the adoption order is signed, and when the G-calendar popped up with the notification that the waiting period had passed, I quickly logged into the appropriate website and started filling in the appropriate info.

When they arrive, they’ll look like any other birth certificate – name, birth date, etc.

The strange part (to me, at least) is that these birth certificates will have the kids’ full, new, legal names on them. Complete with my last name. There will be no mention of adoption or of previous names and, if a parent’s name is to be noted, it will be mine and/or Coffee’s.

While filling in forms like this, I am reminded that we have to keep talking to Maymo about his biological mom, adoption, and all the rest of it. He still has no understanding of it all, and I want him to feel comfortable with it as he grows up so it’s not a big deal to him.

Oldest One was born in this city and in this province. His birth certificate was easy-peasy to request, online, and should arrive in about 15 days.

Middle One and Maymo were both born in another province. This necessitated more forms and some photocopying on my part and there’s not much chance of their certificates arriving very quickly since the forms need to be mailed to that other province.

Both Oldest One and Maymo have their biological mom’s last name as second middle names – I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that before – and that’ll show up on their new birth certificates. Maymo’s first middle name is also his biological mom’s name – made masculine via pronunciation.

It’s strange to consider that, if you didn’t know us, there’s nothing to show that the kids are adopted beyond the certificates hanging in our stairwell and the papers crammed into my filing cabinet. People frequently remark that Maymo looks like me (I blame my chubby cheeks, quite frankly) and if I’m alone with the older two, people likely imagine they look more like their Dad (Coffee).

It’s also rather neat.

Once the new birth certificates arrive, I’ll be able to pick up new health cards (OHIP) for the kids. That’ll likely be the very last time I have to show any adoption-related paperwork for a long, long time. Perhaps forever.

Every document from here out will have my last name on them. No questions asked.

The agency is already finished as far as involvement – I don’t need to carry our adoption worker’s information around with me “just in case”. There’s nothing she can do for the boys at this point that I can’t do myself.

All good.

And, in other name-related news, my own birth certificate arrived from the government a few days ago. I can now finish up my name-change paperwork and get that finished. I’m looking forward to having my identification (drivers’ license, NEXUS card, etc) reflect the name I’m called, finally. It’s going to be a lot of paperwork and standing in line, I’m sure, but it’ll be a good thing.

Coffee’s signing up to take his Canadian Citizenship test, after being a permanent resident for so long, and then he will be changing his name, too.

We’ll be a whole NEW-new family!

1. There’s a serious light-hearted glee that comes over me on Fridays.
2. A long, hot shower while no one else is home.
3. Lemon yogurt and a mug of coffee for breakfast.
4. Spending the afternoon with my husband yesterday.
5. Sleeping soundly next to the aforementioned husband.

The last kid hops into bed at 9pm, listens to a story until 9:30, and then Coffee and I are free to crawl into our own jammas and under our own covers and sleep ’til tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off.

My husband has not slept in, oh, 30+ hours. He’s tired – perhaps even exhausted – but he’s handling it like a champ and hasn’t passed out on the floor or started speaking in tongues.

And, as you know, I had a fitful sleep last night. I’m feeling rather tired and a bit grouchy and maybe even a little weepy. (But that’s pretty normal for me when I’m even a little tired.)

So, with all that tired-grouchy-exhausted-weepy stuff going on, you’d think I’d be very excited about the idea of sleep and you wouldn’t think I’d be sitting here hoping to get laid instead.

I seriously do not understand physiology AT ALL.

Me: Are you finished eating your snack?

Middle One: (mouth full of food) I’m still eating my peanuts.

Me: (quickly looking around the corner at him) Oh. Phew. PEANUTS.

Middle One: What did you think I said?

Coffee: DON’T ASK HER THAT. DON’T ASK.

Middle One: Mom? What did you think I said?

Me: I thought you said you were eating your penis. And I was going to tell you that I thought it was a bad idea for you to eat your own penis.

Middle One: (hysterical laughter because he is 8)

Coffee: (rolling his eyes at me)

Me: WELL IT IS A BAD IDEA.

For those who are new around here (is anyone new? do new people read this?) I’ll note that I have a bit of an anxiety/panic problem. A few years ago I did a stint in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which helped immensely and made me completely able to manage my anxiety without chucking Clonazepam in my mouth like TicTacs.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t get anxious – it simply means that I have the ability, now, to work my way through it using a number of techniques. The anxiety doesn’t get a tight hold anymore and I’m really quite proud of myself for that – for going to the therapist, working through it, and otherwise kicking some ass.

It doesn’t mean I’m always rational, however.

When Coffee got home from work last night, he quickly scarfed down some dinner (pierogies! salad!) and began organizing his work-related paraphernalia. Then he put on his boots and went back to work – to Toronto, specifically, to move servers around and do other geeky stuff along those lines.

As he was leaving, one of the kids remarked that they hoped to “see you tomorrow!” and he laughed and said he’d be home before they woke up. He figured it’d be an hour drive to Toronto, give or take, and then a few hours doing the work and then he’d be heading home again.

I kissed him goodbye and told him I’d leave him a note on the bathroom mirror.

He took my car, since his is buried under about 200 feet of snow in the driveway and hasn’t been driven in months. Then he parked it at someone else’s house and hopped into their car with his coworkers.

This morning I woke up at 4 a.m. and the spot on the bed beside me was empty. I managed to swat the panic away by telling myself he’d be home in a few minutes, and, after quickly checking my email, I crawled back into bed and eventually fell back asleep.

At 6:50, the alarm went off and the spot beside me was still empty. This is about where I started to feel like I was going to barf. Trembly. Panicked. Shaky and wobbly and a little wild-eyed.

I figured that, if he didn’t show up before then, I could freak out fully once the kids were gone to school. I got dressed and checked the weather and woke up the kids and did all the usual morning stuff.

All the while, my heart was doing this skipping-flipping dance in my chest. The kids didn’t notice.

I realized that I had no idea where Coffee was (the location of the servers) or who was driving or, even, the names of the people he was with on this adventure. He took my cellphone with him, but it was down to one battery bar and he was going to keep it turned off unless he needed to call me.

In situations like this, my mind begins to make contingency plans. If he doesn’t call by X time, I will call his office and see if someone knows where they’re working.

No, wait, I’ll call the police.

No, wait, I won’t call anywhere because he’s FINE dammit, he’s FINE. Except.. what if he isn’t? No, stop, I’m jinxing this situation.

STOP THINKING THE BAD THOUGHTS.

Except… what if…?

A few minutes before 8, the phone rang.

He’s still in Toronto. A few more hours and he’ll be done and on his way back to KW.

To say I’m “relieved” is.. well, it’s an understatement of epic proportions. I sent the kids off to school with big smiles and hugs and “See you later!” shouts and now, really, I’d kind of like to go back to bed because all that worrying is just plain exhausting.

Stupid brain, always fearing the worst.

1. 8 trays of homemade cinnamon rolls on my counter.
2. A phone call before 8 a.m. that I actually answered.
3. The kids got out of bed, ready for school, and out the door with absolutely no problems this morning.
4. It’s only -5C today!
5. A fluffy duvet to snuggle underneath for sleep.

I’m a big fan of Google Reader. It’s the best thing I’ve found to help me zip through blogs – skipping articles that don’t interest me, sharing things that I find intriguing, and keeping up on a lot of people’s lives and adventures.

I only check a precious few blogs/sites manually because, quite frankly, I just don’t have the time in the day, and the majority of those that I read outside of my feeds belong to good friends.

Most of the time, I read with my finger on the “skip” button – and I never hesitate to hit “mark all as read” when I’m overwhelmed. I feel like I can whip through a full day’s worth of blog posts in seconds!

So, while I’m a big fan of the service, I haven’t checked out my trends in a while – the details of my reading.

And now, well, I must admit that perhaps I’m a little bit too enthusiastic about my feeds. Wow.

I really am efficient, though.