February 2009

1. Sleeping really well and waking up in a pool of my own drool. SEXY.
2. My hair is PURPLE today (“Pimpin’ Purple” to be exact). Sure, my scalp, neck, hairline, ears and other parts are ALSO purple, but.. MY HAIR IS PURPLE!
3. Having “The Final Countdown” stuck in my head, and knowing that Coffee has it stuck in his head too, and knowing that anyone reading this, who also likes “Arrested Development”, just giggled at that.
4. Laughter.
5. Daydreaming about self-employment..

Swiped from May-b:

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
If he’s watching with me, lately, it’s likely to be an episode of “Arrested Development”. If it’s with the kids, it’s “Dr. Who”. If he’s alone, the television is probably turned off and he’s staring at his laptop screen.

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
Salsa. No, really.

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like?
Anything with aspartame on the ingredient list. For the most part, there aren’t a lot of foods he doesn’t like, but more foods that he can’t see the appeal of (and thus can’t be bothered to eat) – like bocconcini cheese.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?
Water, no ice. He’s not a beer drinker and he’s too frugal to go out and get drunk somewhere. :)

5. Where did he go to high school?
In Wisconsin.

6. What size shoe does he wear?
FLIPPERS! HE WEARS FLIPPERS!

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
Either containers – plastic tubs, glass bottles, etc – or random computer parts, cables, wires and doo-dads.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Tuna. The man LOVES tuna.

9. What would he person eat every day if he could?
Tuna.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
I’m going with Cinnamon Life, though he does eat plenty of other cereals when he’s in the mood for cereal. Healthy stuff, generally.

11. What would he never wear?
If he could avoid it, he’d never wear shoes of any sort. I’m talking full-on barefoot. He’d avoid suits and anything, really, other than t-shirts, jeans and flannel shirts.

12. What is his favorite sports team?
He doesn’t have one.

13. Who did he vote for?
He can’t vote in Canada yet, but I believe he’d go for either NDP or Green, depending.

14. Who is his best friend?
Me! (Sucker!)

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?
Bites his nails. That’s the only thing he does that makes me twitchy and, then, it’s only if I see/hear him doing it. He can do it in another room and, eh, they’re his nails.

16. What is his heritage?
Mutt. He’s an Eastern European Mutt.

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?
Chocolate, no frosting. Just a slab o’ cake.

18. Did he play sports in high school?
Swimming. I don’t think it counts as “playing” a sport, but that was his sport.

19. What could he spend hours doing?
Nerdy stuff like “optimizing” and “burning” and “writing a script for..” It’s all very sexy.

20. What is one unique talent he has?
He can make me feel 100% better in a very, very short time period. Far faster than anyone else in the history of my existence.

1. It’s 10:30 a.m., on a PD day, and all three kids are still alive. GO ME!
2. My head is, at this very moment, liberally covered in purple goo. Indeed, I have found the time to bleach and dye my horrible, horrible root situation.
3. I got to spend a few minutes drinking coffee and chatting with my husband this morning – before he went to work AND before the kids were out of bed.
4. Yesterday I went to the bookstore to pick up two books I needed and, while there, Maymo asserted that we should go there “EVERY DAY, MOM!” and my heart sang. Yay books!
5. I’m in the middle of writing an article, for submission to a print magazine, about creativity in children and I may have it done by the end of the day. OH YEAH.

Snacks and Shit: after giving it thought, discussing it with Coffee, giving it more thought and .. I do still think it’s a funny site and I’m going to tell you why, from my perspective (and only my perspective and the views expressed from here on in are mine and only mine and, oh wait, you can go read my blog disclaimer..)

My first response to the comment-thread was a big one – I went on, no joke, for FIVE pages of single-spaced typing in my word processor. I explained my feelings on sexuality, my own and others’, and I talked about stereotypes and I talked about what I did when the kids started using, “You’re SO GAY!” as an insult to each other. I talked about assumptions and about legal issues and human rights and religion, too.

Oh, I went on and on and ON. (I’m good at that.)

But ultimately, some twenty-odd paragraphs into it, I realized that it was starting to sound more like a justification instead of an explanation of why I wasn’t offended. There’s a fine line there, y’know?

I’m going to try to explain it, though, not because I feel obligated (as my disclaimer notes, I write what I want even if people don’t like it), but because it’s an interesting exercise for me to put into words what I feel.

And what I feel, ultimately, starts with my perspective on words themselves.

Words, to me, have power. Using the “right” word at the “right” time makes me tingly in my nether regions because, quite frankly, I love words. I also believe that there’s no such thing as a “bad” word – only a misplaced, ill-timed, misunderstood word.

It is for this reason that I allow my kids to swear – with the rule being that you are never to use those words at school, in front of grampa, or in reference to anyone. You can say, “I had a shitty day!” but you cannot call your brother “A shit”.

It is for this reason that when one of the boys comes home having “learned” a new word on the playground, I explain to them what it means and, if required, let them know that it’s a word people may find objectionable.

Here’s the thing: the word “gay” is a description. It is not an insult or a put-down or a negative thing. It’s neutral, if we must assign a value to the word at all. It’s along the same lines as: fat, black, white, tall, short, straight, mother, father, child… It is not a summation of the person to whom it is applied as a description, certainly. You can be gay, white, female and tall. You can be straight, black, male and fat. It’s not who you are – it’s a part of you.

Oh yes, I realize that it’s fraught with subtext and I realize that, for some, the word “gay” can only be uttered with a sneering lip. Ditto, really, for many other words (“fat”, “white”, “stay-at-home-mom” or “mommyblogger” or “woman”, to name a few off the top of my pointy little head).

If you are upset by someone calling you gay – whether you are, or are not actually gay – then it’s worth taking a look at why you feel that way. (Ditto for any other word that upsets you, btw.) Is it because of your own feelings about the word or because of what you assume the person speaking is implying? Are you mind reading – assuming that the person calling you gay (in this case) is homophobic and hates you for being gay?

I assure you, the rappers involved are not questioning anything at all. If they read the blog, they’d be all, “Oh, shit, man! You’re calling me gay! Fuck that! I’m gonna’ kill you!” (at least, if their public personae were to speak, that’s what they’d say).

But.. How do you know that the people writing the blog aren’t, in fact, gay? Do gay people not use the word gay? Is it impossible for two gay men to listen to rap music and recognize that these uber-macho men are spewing lyrics that are, in many instances, actually playing up gay stereotypes? Is it that every straight person in the world only uses the word gay as a slur? Or, alternately, that no gay man would ever call a straight guy gay just to bother him?

(I should note that I have no information about the guys who write the site. Nada. I am not implying that they are gay or straight or even really male.)

I am a 33 year old bisexual woman in a marriage with a heterosexual man. I realize, from the outside, that I appear to be a straight woman, and that my ability to “pass” as such makes my life easier.

I do not face any discrimination from the straight world – at least, not on this issue – because my bisexuality is cloaked fully by my marriage unless I choose to reveal it. There are many, many people in my life who have never once questioned my sexual preferences.

(I do, however, face discrimination from the gay world because many, many people feel that bisexuality doesn’t exist, is only for “titillating men” or is a product of the “Girls Gone Wild” era. The fact that I married a man is evidence, to some, that I’m not really bisexual. In the case of men who are bisexual, it’s considered a wink-wink-nudge-nudge cover for being “really” gay.)

The use of “so gay!” as an insult is, simply put, childish. It assumes that the person who receives the comment will be offended and upset. It also assumes that the subject of the discussion is not, in fact, gay, but is concerned with gender roles and sexual identity and all the other things tied up in sexual identification.

And the web site is not meant as a serious critique of rap lyrics. It’s a tongue-in-cheek, slap-down of the words being used to make millions of dollars – all built on an image of tough, cap-yo’-ass-macho gangsta’ from the ghetto.

In the world of gangsta’ rap, where “men are men” and “women are whores”, it goes without saying that being called gay isn’t going to go over well. But are we going to go with the rap world’s rules and guidelines when it comes to our own personal definitions? Are these the role models we want for our kids or ourselves? The homophobic references in the lyrics don’t extend to the women, though, because having two women in bed with you isn’t “disgusting” it’s “awesome” and “every man’s dream!”.

So we’re already talking double standards and weird-ass ideas of right vs wrong and the definition of a man is a guy with a gun who’ll shoot you for looking at the woman he just referred to as “my bitch” and Moby is a ‘fag’ because he doesn’t talk smack and, shit, man, really? REALLY?

And then there’s a site where a couple of guys look at the ridiculousness of the lyrics and the macho posturing stupidity and they toss out the comment, “so gay” in a few of their critiques. They’re referring, of course, to the stereotypes of “gayness”.

There are 91 (as of the time that I’m writing this) posts on that blog, and of those 91 posts, 9 are tagged with “kinda’ gay“. In those 9 posts, only 2 actually imply anything directly about the sexuality of the rapper in the bloggers’ text (i.e., beyond the tag).

I mention the numbers because it explains why I didn’t read the site and immediately think, “Holy shit, this is totally gay-bashing! This is homophobic! This is propagating hate!”

I don’t think that by writing this, I’m changing anyone’s mind or position. If Feral Geographer is offended by the site, I can’t make her (or anyone else) feel differently – I can only explain why I, personally, as an individual, wasn’t offended and why I was able to see it as a humourous, tongue-in-cheek site.

But here’s my question – Feral Geographer, you were greatly offended by the site and said that you were totally put off the bloggers’ homophobia and the fact that they were being hateful. And that is absolutely acceptable.

But.. Did you email them? Leave a comment on the blog?

Because here, on my blog, this conversation will taper off and disappear. I know that the majority of my readers (the ones I know, personally, at least) are not homophobic, and do believe in equality on all levels, and are not hate-filled people.

But there are, on the internet, many links to the Snacks and Shit site – I, myself, found it on Metafilter – and if you think the people writing the blog are misguided, wouldn’t it make sense to tell them directly? Or ask them to explain/defend themselves? Explain to them that you, as a queer individual, found it offensive that they chose to use “gay as an insult”?

1. Tomorrow is a PD day for the boys. They’re already starting to suffer from Spring Fever and tomorrow will be a good chance for them to run wild and get those ya-yas out. Or play xbox, more likely. *sigh*
2. Singing the song “Breakfast At the Circus” by David Wilcox and the resulting conversation with Coffee this morning – he refused to believe it was a real song. Then I busted out “Layin’ Pipe” and I think his head exploded. *tee hee*
3. A good, long stretch – complete with obscene noises of glee as my joints snapped and popped and my muscles expanded. Ahhhhh…
4. The new “limited edition” Peach/Mango vitamin C tablets are far superior in taste to the old blueberry kind. And, hello? “Limited Edition” VITAMINS?!
5. It’s above freezing today and the air smells delicious.

I have a few things to say about the recent “gay” discussions (for lack of a better identifier) but I have 3 kids and a husband who will be wanting some dinner, shortly, and I don’t want to dash off a quick comment in place of what I actually want to say.. so, y’know, stay tuned..

One of the most frequent terms used to find my site is “how to send good vibes” and there are plenty of other similar searches about sending good vibes and what it means.

I am The (self-proclaimed) Expert in the Sending Of Good Vibes. So I am going to offer this clear, concise lesson.

How To Send Good Vibes.

Before you begin, make sure you know exactly who, what and where those vibes are going to be directed. You’ll need this in order to do the next step.

You cannot simply “send good vibes” in a random, willy-nilly manner, unless you’re sending widespread good vibes – and, even then, it’s good to know some details. This is an ART, not a science, though, so you can dress it up or down as much as you like.

Got a target in mind? Here we go:

1. With your eyes open, or closed, or half-opened/closed (depending on whether you’re an optimist or pessimist), construct a simple phrase in your head that sums up the vibe-giving situation. For example, if I’m sending good vibes to my friend Michelle, hoping that she’ll have a really good Wednesday, I will create the phrase, “I am sending wickedly-good Wednesday-awesomeness vibes to Michelle!”
2. Good vibes require superfluous amounts of positive, giddy language. Make up some words like “yummyscrummy” and “wickedlywiggidywackedoutedness”, if required, to achieve that level of giddy happy positivity.
3. Once you’ve got the perfect phrase in your mind, you’ve got to repeat it a few times in your head. Make sure it flows easily. Make sure you’ve included the person’s name and the exact wish you have for them.
4. Now, picture the person’s face in your mind. Visualize yourself saying the phrase to them. “Hey, Michelle? I am sending you wickedly-good Wednesday-awesomeness!” Then you must imagine them bursting into laughter at what you’ve just said.
5. Okay, you don’t have to imagine them laughing. But you do have to imagine their face or their emotions when they’re receiving your good vibes.
6. Repeat the phrase at least twice more… and you’re done!

For bonus points, you can send psychic hugs (just imagine hugging them after you’ve sent those vibes). You can practice this new skill and, eventually, visualize an entire continent and send THEM good vibes.

The important part is to basically squinch up as much happy-joy-luck-goodness as possible into a compact little ball o’ love (not to be mistaken with Michelle’s son’s ball of.. uh.. bone..) and then imagine delivering it directly. Some of the good vibes will dissipate while traveling, I’m sorry to say, which is why all that over-the-top joy has to be present. You don’t want weak good-vibes arriving to your loved ones, right?

There y’go. Now you know how to send good vibes to one and all.

Use your powers WISELY. Or, at least, enthusiastically..

1. I absolutely love how Maymo is making connections to things I say, things he does, and the way some things turn out. He knows, for example, that he has to be patient when we are running errands – because having someone whine through an hour’s worth of tasks I’m not really wanting to do, anyway, sucks – so he’ll repeatedly announce, “Look how patient I’m being, Mom! I am tired of running errands and I want to go home but I am being PATIENT, right? Am I being patient?” and I really have no choice but to agree that yes, indeed, he’s being patient.
2. Red onions, curry powder and other spicy foods that I once hated and now love love love.
3. The very concept of pain relieving medications like Tylenol and Advil. I appreciate them more when I need them, of course, but how awesome is it that we can have a little bottle of these things in our homes for whenever we need them?
4. This morning Maymo had a nosebleed – his first ever, that I’m aware of – and when all was done and he had stopped crying and the blood was cleaned away, he asserted that he could prevent another one, “by keeping my fingers out of my nose, mom!” Indeed, small fry, indeed.
5. Drinking a bit of Dr. Pepper actually helps my migraine, thanks to the caffeine.

So I find this blog, c/o a link in my feed reader. And I take a quick look and I start laughing and laughing and can’t stop reading it (and laughing).

Snacks and Shit is a blog that basically notes the absurdity of rap lyrics by pulling out some random lines and asking, in essence, WTF?!

I actually read all the way back to the first entry. Then I added it to my RSS.

And now I’m sharing.

1. Yet another day full of sunshine.
2. Maymo’s excitement over little things is contagious!
3. Middle One’s continued enthusiasm for the tutoring sessions Boys Writing Group.
4. Fuzzy dog and kitten bellies
5. My stomach finally starting to feel a LOT better