The Bad Witches.

Earlier today we had a thunderstorm that very quickly knocked out our hydro (electricity, for those not local-ish) and the winds were crazy and the rain was thudding on the roof and windows.

I am, to put it lightly, concerned by thunderstorms. I sincerely believe that every single one of them is 1 second away from turning into some hurricane/tornado/monsoon even if I happen to be in an area where such weather activities are impossible.

The dogs start to bark and howl at the thunder and it’s all I can do not to join in and shout, “YES! GOOD DOGGIES! SCARE IT AWAY! GOOD! YES!”

Coffee has, on numerous occasions, had to basically talk me down from my hysteria. Whenever we read pamphlets about “emergency preparedness” I always imagine that he’s wondering how he can get a tranquillizer gun to use on me before I work myself up.

So today the hydro went out and the winds were whipping and I was freaking out.

Having kids, however, means that I am not allowed to run around the house shrieking, “WE’RE ALL GONNA’ DIE! WE’RE ALL GONNA’ DIE!” and I have to, instead, make polite conversation about how “neat” the weather is and “did you see that garbage can fly by?” while rubbing my face repeatedly to conceal my wide pupils and bug-eyes.

When the storm hit this afternoon and the power went out, Oldest One and Middle One went out into the solarium to play a game of some sort (because, clearly, they do not care if we ARE ALL GONNA’ DIE.) Maymo wandered around for a while asking whether he could do various things (“Can I play xbox?” “Nope. Uses electricity.” “Can I play on the Wii?” “Nope. Uses electricity.”) and looking increasingly concerned.

I couldn’t tell if his concern was due to the high wind situation or the lack of video games.

Every time he left the room to go wander around a bit, or talk to his brothers, I’d lean into Coffee and grip his arm-flesh with my fingernails and growl something about hating thunderstorms and ohmygodwe’regonna’die. And then Maymo would return and I’d paste on that happy smile of calmness and say something inane like, “Boy, the flowers are really going to like this rain, huh?”

Then, out of the blue, he began talking about “witches” and how they were “BAD WITCHES” and how the weather was, basically, really bad witches preparing to come and kill us. Or maybe they were outside already? BAD WITCHES.

I came very close to shouting, “WITCHES? YOU THINK WITCHES ARE BAD? JUST WAIT ‘TIL YOU’RE TRAPPED IN THE RUBBLE OF THIS HOUSE FOR A WEEK AND YOU HAVE TO EAT YOUR BROTHER’S FACE TO SURVIVE. WITCHES?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Then I remembered that we might have a thunderstorm again, someday in the future, and that rubble comment would totally come back to haunt me. Most likely at a time when Coffee was at work. So I just smiled and said, “No, honey, no witches.”

Seriously? Parenting is HARD.

6 comments

  1. Annika says:

    I don’t know, witches sound awfully scary!

  2. Eve says:

    I too am part of the thunderstorm haters club! Thankfully I don’t have to put on a brave face for our cats. Instead I just run with them and hide under the blankets until it’s all clear and we’ve survived another day!

  3. There once was a woman from Laos
    Who said to her cowardly spa-ouse
    Don’t hide under the bed
    Because thunder you dread
    What are you? A man or a ma-ouse.

  4. Carm says:

    LOLOL!!! you guys crack me up…!! I love to read that I’m not alone in my fears… I live in a 2-storey surrounded by LARGE trees. When a nasty storm comes along I sleep downstairs so I won’t be killed by a massive tree limb coming through the roof.

  5. Andrew says:

    I love thunderstorms. Big wind? Cool. Raindrops the size of grapefruit? Awesome. Big black scary clouds rolling in and swirling in weird directions all at the same time? Get the camera! In my ideal home there would be a glass dome on the top of the house where my wife and I could run up at the first sign of an approaching storm and watch it all unfold.

    I *would* be cool to see a witch fly by, too. ;)

  6. Sylvain says:

    Was Maymo making some sort of Wizard of Oz tornado connection? Has he seen the movie?
    Anyway, I love storms. I drove to the marina to watch it, but nothing happened. just a bit of rain. Parts of Windsor got hit a bit harder, but nothing like what you KW folks got. I was a biut envious, although no death and/or destruction is a good thing.

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