July 2009

During a recent discussion about pregnancy prevention, the subject of condoms came up. Middle One, specifically, asked what a condom looked like and I told him I’d pick some up and he could see for himself. So, I did.

Yesterday I handed the kids some packets of unlubricated condoms.

As you’d expect, this resulted in some incredible hilarity on about 400 different levels.

There are a few reasons why we did this.

First – Middle One asked. That’s an opening I’m totally not going to let pass.

Second – Oldest One is twelve. We have heard plenty about kids his age having sex, or just “fooling around”, and we determined that having condoms in the house was a good idea.

Third – we want condoms to be no big deal. I do not want them using “I was embarrassed” or “I didn’t know how to use them” or “I didn’t know where to get them” as excuses for not taking care of themselves and their partner.

So, last night, I handed the kids each a few condoms. They opened the packages, giggled, blew them up, tried stretching them up their arms (successfully!), cracked up some more, and then asked if they could have more for playing. (I told them that they could stick with balloons – far cheaper.)

We even did the “how to put a condom on a cucumber” demonstration – we had no bananas.

There were plenty of giggles. Questions about where you can buy them and how much they cost and whether you can use them more than once.

I gave the instruction package to Oldest One so he can read it on his own time – he cracked me up when, after the cucumber demonstration, he said, “And now you must wrap the condom in a kleenex and dispose of it appropriately.” (Direct quote from the package.)

We told Oldest One that we’d be making them available – freely – for him to use or for him to give his friends if needed because we’re THAT serious about him not getting sick, a disease or getting someone pregnant. Ditto for his friends.

I suspect Condom Depot will be our next online shopping adventure – yay for UFC sponsors!

(Do you think it would be unethical of me to swipe free condoms from my college health centre?)

Obviously, we’re very open about sex around here – we talk about, discuss it, answer any and all questions openly and honestly. The boys all have books about sex and babies, know the ‘right’ names for anatomy (both male and female) and we consider the subject to be an ongoing discussion instead of one big “The Talk” chat.

Last night, as we sat at the table eating dinner, we did our usual “Bests & Worsts”. We each take a turn and talk about the good parts and bad parts of our day. Middle One announced that one of the best parts of his day was “CONDOMS!” and we all started giggling.

THIS is how sex-ed should be – funny and open and constant.

If you could easily, without struggle or selling a body part, afford to travel into space for a week — would you do it?

Other than a few small items, and the textbooks that I’m waiting on, I am fully ready for school.

I have a new backpack (pink! plaid! Coffee thinks it’s hideous!) and pencils (ooo!) and a bunch of pens (yeah!) and erasers and sticky tabs and, yes, even a lunch bag (orange!)

It took all of my self control not to buy one of every single school-related item in the store. Holy cats, I love school supplies and stationery and office bits and oh, man, THIS IS THE SEASON! I like this more than Christmas shopping and more than birthday shopping and more than shopping for new Rocketdog shoes.

Fresh, new paper! Shiny markers! Sharpie Pens that aren’t wobbled from pressing too hard! Highlighters that are still pristine! Binders that are so new you can get a contact high from putting your face too close to them!

RAWR!

By the end of today I will have a large package of paperwork, documents and miscellaneous information tightly sealed in an envelope. The contents will be signed by myself, Coffee, our bank officer and a city commissioner.

After I apply a goodly number of stamps and drop it into the mailbox, that envelope will make its way to Thunder Bay. I will then wait a few weeks. (Impatiently, no doubt.)

And when that time passes, I will have a fresh, crisp, new name.

HOW FUCKING AWESOME IS THAT?!

1. Yesterday we bought a new mattress. KING SIZE! The extra space will be delicious.
2. Have to find a notary today and get some stuff notarized.
3. It’s almost the weekend!
4. That, despite not really blogging much lately, I’m at least keeping up with my GiST lists.
5. Sharpie Pens.

1. I still love my ten minutes of ‘driving to work’ time with Coffee in the morning. I’m going to miss that when summer ends!
2. Got my “registration package” from school, in the mail, yesterday. Did not promptly freak out.
3. Wild rice for dinner last night (with fish). Nom.
4. The kids have, for the most part, been getting along lately. YAY!
5. Watching “Little Miss Sunshine” again while working on my (never-ending, ohgodkillme) afghan.

1. Thanks to our basement bedroom, we’ve basically been sleeping in a cold, frigid cave for the past few days. It’s awesome.
2. I will, eventually, finish this fucking afghan…. right? Note to future self: don’t choose stupidly repetitive things to crochet ever, ever, EVER again.
3. Oldest One is going away for a week with his friend. Leaving Monday.
4. Maymo is going to a birthday party next week. His first ever! He is VERY excited.
5. Watching “The United States of Tara” and really quite enjoying it.

1. Watching “Fight Club” while crocheting and drinking root beer.
2. Big bunny and little bunny on the front lawn this morning, eating breakfast.
3. A tiny spark of enthusiasm in my belly. GROW! GROW!
4. The kids, arguing about chess rules, then deciding to play checkers.
5. A book about fermentation from the library. Wheee!

Yesterday I plunked my butt down on the sofa and turned on the movie “Hackers” followed by “War Games”. I stuck a straw in a can of grape pop, put my feet up on the coffee table, and hauled my crochet work out of the grocery bag that it’s been living in for the past year.

You may remember when I got a bee in my bonnet and decided that I needed a granny square afghan. I didn’t want to buy one – for $1.99 – at Value Village. I didn’t want a ‘normal’ one. I wanted a single, enormous, gigantic granny square.

I’m in the home stretch of it, finally. I have about 20 more ’rounds to go (which will likely take me the next 3 days, given the size of it) before it’ll be enormous enough to snuggle under. It already weighs about 400 pounds and it’s hideous enough that I won’t be gifting it to anyone.

My hands are becoming gnarled claws.

I am working on this, pushing through, because the air conditioning is on and I can position myself in front of it while working. This sucker is HEAVY and it is WARM and it’s hard to work on something that causes you to sweat when you’re only moving your wrists a little.

The other reason is because I have fallen in love with an afghan pattern that I’d like to make – one that is made in pieces and then assembled (which is its own special kind of hell, if knitting-and-assembling is any indicator) – and I couldn’t bring myself to start it until this one is finished.

Today I’m going to put on a different movie, lock the kids out of the room, and see what I can get done. If I can’t type tomorrow, I apologize in advance.

1. This morning, while driving Coffee to work, I saw a wiener dog running (on leash) across the street. I laughed so hard that I couldn’t see the road through my own tears. BEST DAY EVER!
2. Wiener dogs, in general, are the best invention EVER.
3. Air conditioning. We’re going to need it today, I believe.
4. An “air sponge” in the playroom so it will stop smelling like goat. Gah, boys are smelly creatures when they’re leaping around playing on the Wii or xbox or whatever.
5. It’s way more fun to play with the kitten when she’s wearing Soft Paws and can’t eviscerate my arm.