Oldest One has started making noise – lightly, so far – about wanting a Facebook account. I’ve been able to hold him off with the fact that the TOS for FB insist you must be at least 13 years old. He’ll be 12 until May.
His friends are on there. And it’s only a matter of time ’til he turns 13 and I can’t use the whole “have to be 13″ rule to prevent him from going on there.
But his biological mother is on Facebook. Ditto his older brother. There are legal issues. He cannot be in contact with either of them.
I want him to take advantage of the online world – and, for now at least, Facebook is a big part of that for many teens. Some of his other relatives are on Facebook and I’d like him to stay in touch with them – but the majority of those relatives are also ‘friends’ with his biological mother and brother.
Oldest One’s first name (and even, to a large extent, his first initial) is unique enough that there’s no way his biological mom and brother wouldn’t notice him ‘friending’ the others. His name is not John or Dave.
I’ve been wracking my brains trying to think of some way to do this – to give him both the freedom he wants and the legal protection required.
If anyone has a suggestion, I’m all ears.
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There’s a setting for this! Go up to Settings, choose Privacy Settings.
In the box you’ll be able to ‘block’ access for specific people. In their words:
“If you block someone, they will not be able to find you in a Facebook search, see your Profile or interact with you through Facebook channels (such as Wall posts, Poke, etc.).”
Of course, he’d be able to change that at any time, so you could (a) stress – really, really – the importance of not changing those settings and/or (b) insist that you know his user e-mail and password so you can double-check his account randomly.
Actually, if I were you, I would insist on option B in any case. For instance, one of my 15-yr old nephew’s status updates recently read: “Puff, puff, pass.” Even tho his mum was his FB friend, she was on a limited profile and could not read his status.
There really should be some effort made to offer workshops for parents to teach them the ins and outs of social networking and how their kids are using various 2.0 platforms.
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Thank you!! I actually found similar info via Google, but I couldn’t find the FB info about it, directly (and sometimes what you find via Google isn’t accurate, y’know?)
The next issue is that our last name is uncommon AND starts with an uncommon letter. So if he went by OldestOne Ourlastname it would be easy to track him down offline. If he went by OldestOne O (or, our last name’s initial) it might not take a leap for him to be traced down either, given that I’m also friends with some of the relatives on FB.
Maybe OldestOne MiddleName (since they already know his middle name and it’s not a big secret?)
GAH!
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How about using the last letter of your last name? It will be easy for his friends to remember when they want to ‘friend’ him on FB.
While I think it’s awesome that you are FB friends with some of your kids’ relatives, is this safe for the kids? I know you want to maintain the connection, but is there a risk that a relative would share their facebook access with their bio-mum?
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One of my friends (well, his wife) spelled her names backwards. Wouldn’t hide him from being picked out of a friends list, but would prevent him being searched. The blocking option sounds better. ;)
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One of my husband’s friends from college has her privacy settings so limited, that unless SHE friends YOU, you would never know she existed in the world of FB. I wanted to friend her because my husband kept talking about how good a friend she had been, how big an influence on who he became, and because he kept talking about her recipes she posted. I had to ask him to ask her to friend me because no amount of searching would pull her up.
I would think that you could use a username that is a little less identifying, such as a nick name mashed up with the town you live in. I’ve seen other people not using real names, so it should work.
As for permission, I would print out the TOS and also write up a contract between the two of you. Sit with him and together read the TOS and have him sign all official like at the bottom. In your contract you can lay down the rules of engagement (no seeking out people he knows he shouldn’t, provide you with access and make you an all access friend, etc) and the consequences for breaking the TOS or your contract. People can and have gotten in legal trouble for breaking web sites’ TOS, so he will need to see it as an adult responsibility.
Good luck. -
How about MiddleName Coffee’sOldLastName?
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How about Coffee Junior? ;)
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I think Bad Mommy is right. It’s one of the things we stress with parents – there is no such thing as teen privacy. Parents have to have access to that stuff and have to check it regularly. Set the privacy options, talk about the importance of him and check on a monthly or semi monthly) basis.
The name issue? Maybe he could have a pseudonym? That could be fun creating that.
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Create the account now and get it preped for him that way you can see what happens while you have control of it,if mother or brother tries to contact him.
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Gosh, I sure am in the minority. I would just say “no,” or maybe “we’ll see when you’re 13.” In my mind, the risks outweigh the pros, especially since nobody ever died from not having a FB account.
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I’m in the “no” category. FB is for chicks.
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Y’know, it wasn’t THAT long ago that you were on there, mister. ;)
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Well, my comment was kind of tongue-in-cheek. The only reason I don’t have a FB account now is because I don’t agree with their TOS. However, I believe “FB is for chicks” would be a good sell to your son.
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He’d then ask for a second account in the hopes of getting MORE chicks. Myself, I’m just glad the Canadian government is forcing FB to change those TOS. :)
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