The Edge of Sanity.

School, for everyone but Coffee, starts on September 8th. This means we have 9 more days of summer to endure.

And I do mean endure.

My biggest worry about school (my return to school, I mean) isn’t that I’ll get lost or that no one will like me or that I’ll flunk all of my classes and y’all will refer to me as “Captain Flunk-o” for the rest of my life. Oh, sure, I worry about those things, but they’re not my biggest fear.

I am most concerned with how things will go for the kids.

It’d be safe to say that I’ve hashed this out with Coffee a million times over the past few months – whether they’ll be okay and how we’ll handle problems and are they mature enough to spend an hour alone after school each day? What will we do if they go insane or start breaking rules all over the place and no one is home to beat them into submission again?

Here’s how Coffee has handled this ongoing freak out: he has reassured me that he’ll continue to help out around the house and that the kids will be able to do their part. He’s reminded me that he’s not remotely fussy about housework and is capable of doing it, that he knows how to do laundry, that everyone in the family (including me) can get used to lowered standards during the week.

On top of that, he’s offered up awesome suggestions for where I can do my homework, helped me find a noise-reduction method for the office downstairs, discussed (ad nauseum) how he can help me with anything I need. He has told me, over and over, that he’ll help me to make this work. He’s been encouraging on every single level.

He has also reminded me that my friend Michelle has offered to take care of the younger kids (after school) in the event that Oldest One is unable for any reason. Coffee has pointed out that we took out a larger loan for school “just in case” we had to do that and that we have it covered from a financial perspective. I trust Michelle very much – so that knocked out a lot of my fears.

All of this has helped me immensely with calming down and making everything seem doable.

To make it even better, Coffee also suggested that we do a few things this summer to ‘test’ the waters for September and to let the kids get used to some new routines. It’s worked out beautifully!

We’ve learned that Oldest One is more than capable of watching his brothers, at home, for several hours at a time. No bloodshed and nothing broken in the house. He’s rightfully proud of himself for it, too, and his brothers have had no complaints about him turning into an evil dictator in my absence.

We’ve learned that, for the most part, the kids will get their chores done and eat some lunch if I’m out running errands for a bit. No one starves and everyone gets some reading time or room cleaning done. They wipe the table after snacks and they don’t answer the door and the house hasn’t burned down.

On top of some trial runs, we’ve also gone over the rules – over and OVER the rules – to make sure everyone is clear on what to do if X happens and if Y happens.

There’s an “Emergency” folder in the house now, and some of you are in it! It has phone numbers for neighbours, friends and people who can help in the event that the kids can’t get in touch with Coffee at work or me at school (a very unlikely event). It has very specific instructions for various emergencies, right down to a reminder to give any emergency personnel the entire folder (and a reassurance that we have other copies) so no one has to worry about that. There’s health card information and details about our vet, doctor and dentist.

It’s a work of art, really, all packaged-up in a red duotang. (There are three copies of it, too, just in case one goes missing.)

In short, I was feeling prepared. I was starting to feel pretty confident that the kids would be okay – and had reminded myself a trillion times that I’ll be home before them most days of the week. I was breathing evenly and I was calm. We had prepared for everything!

I can only assume that the children noticed my calmness around this subject and decided they didn’t approve. That’s really the only explanation I have for the past week’s worth of behaviours.

Chores ignored! Rules broken! Selective hearing engaged! Safety-issues galore! Flagrant ignoring of directions from parents!

It’s.. a conspiracy, right? They’re trying to dismantle my mental health, aren’t they?

Tomorrow is my orientation day and I may just decided to camp out in the parking lot, in my car, ’til the first day of school. That way the kids can try to kill each other, break everything, forget to eat, ignore the (2 year old!) rules of the house.. and I won’t know about it. I can just chant “SERENITY NOW” and “HOOCHIE MAMA” and everything will be fine.

No?

(I know, I know, some of this may be due to school starting for THEM, too. Oldest One starts at his new school and Middle One will be in a new class and Maymo is making the switch from half-day to full-days. But can we just have a little pity party for me, anyway? ;)