Quickly.

I need to write an essay and study for a final exam – both ‘due’ tomorrow – so I’m going to very quickly comment on a few things from yesterday’s post/comments.

We, as a family, do not spank. In largest part because of our own feelings on the subject and in part because we had to sign an agreement when we adopted, stating that we would not use physical punishment on the boys. So, the “spanking game” from yesterday was something apparently created by Maymo and the other kid, somehow.

We have a very firm policy about physical violence in general. Our boys are not allowed to hit/punch/kick/etc each other. They’re not even allowed to ‘fake’ hit because, in the past, that’s lead to “Oh, I didn’t meeeeeeeean to punch him; I was just pretending I was going to punch him”.

And, despite my love for mixed martial arts and UFC and all-things-violent, only the older 2 kids have ever watched any of the fights. Coffee and I watch them when the kids are asleep.

At home, we have a very strong policy of “STOP MEANS STOP” – whether it’s a game, an annoying behaviour, etc – and it doesn’t matter whether that ‘command’ comes from your parents or your sibling(s) or your friends. We don’t tolerate the kids doing stuff to annoy each other (not that it’s totally avoidable, obviously). And we encourage them to come and ‘tell’ if their brother doesn’t stop doing something when asked.

I am so frustrated with Maymo right now that I can’t even express it coherently. I feel like we’re trying everything we can and he’s not responding. And I don’t know why. I’ve sent a letter to the school and his teacher to try to figure out some way to get everyone on the same page.

On discussion about the teabagging incident, Oldest One explained that it was “from a video game”. I can state without question or hesitation that it wasn’t a video game in our house. The kid who did the deed, however, has many game console and assorted games and, if rumour is to be believed, his mom doesn’t care what he’s playing. At the same time, at the age of 12/13, the kids know that the whole “I saw it in a game” routine isn’t going to carry much weight – but that does explain how he knows what teabagging is, in addition to any playground discussion…

The kid who did it, too, has been getting a reputation as a bit of a jerk. I’ve only met him twice, and his mother twice, so I don’t know him very well. He and Oldest One sit next to each other in math class and, on the latest report card, it was noted that Oldest One needs to make “better choices” in his friends and group-work partners. We’ve heard stories about this kid’s behaviour from Oldest One, too.

I can’t forbid Oldest One from hanging out with this kid at school; I don’t have the power to enforce that, and the school can’t, either.

There are so many implications to this incident – and so many smaller issues underneath. Suffice to say that we talked (at great length) about kindness and sticking up for other people and about reputations and about the responsibility of everyone in society to stick up for people who need our help. We talked about the legal implications. We talked about the social implications. We talked about the school’s responsibilities. And we talked about how the victim’s parents are no-doubt feeling on hearing about this situation. We also talked about how Oldest One would feel if he was the victim, or if his brother(s) was the victim.

I don’t know how much got through.

I don’t know much of anything, lately, really. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing over here.