Worst. Sleep. Ever.

I got to the lab at 8:30 (as I was told) and changed into my jammas. I carefully filled in the forms, signed my name, and followed the tech into the little room to have my wiring affixed.

We chatted about the whole deal – the various things they’d monitor with their wires, how much info they get, etc. – and then I returned to my room to read my book until 10:15.

The room itself was fine – a large, comfortable bed occupied most of it, but there was also a night table (on which I put my water, Tylenol and cell phone), a small bedside lamp, a fan (heaven!), a desk and a chair.

I had brought my own pillow and Jeero, of course. I cannot sleep without Jeero.

At 10:15, the tech appeared to hook up my wires, tuck me in, and bid me goodnight. I shuffled around in the bed, getting used to the wires and tape and goo.

At 3:15 am, I was still awake.

Between 10:15 and 3:15, I changed positions and I adjusted blankets and I moved my pillow around. I tucked and untucked my feet. I had some panic attacks. I drifted off – and jolted awake again within seconds due to the person in the room next to me snoring wildly.

My nose was incessantly itchy. My entire face was begging for a full-on rub down thanks to all the tape and goo.

At one point my crotch was itchy and I couldn’t bring myself to scratch it because HELLO, CAMERA.

Then I started wondering if it was possible for the lab to get bedbugs – the thought of which made me itchy EVERYWHERE.

During one of my drifty moments, I had a dream-like event in which I baked a loaf of bread – going through all the steps from proofing the yeast to kneading the dough to placing it in a pan. As soon as I put it into the pan, however, I was wide awake. WTF is that? My ‘work’ was done so I just.. woke up? DAMMIT, BRAIN.

On 5 occasions, the tech had to come into the room to reattach or replace a wire. I have a huge red mark on my face where the tape had to be removed and replaced – twice – because the wire stopped registering .. something.

At one point, during a near-anxiety attack, I remembered that they were monitoring my heart rate – and, thanks to that recollection, my heart decided to beat FASTER. Then I tried to calm myself down by breathing deeply – and remembered THAT was being monitored, too, which made me feel ridiculous and then I started to panic again.

At 3:15 I waved my hand at the camera and asked to be unhooked so I could go to the washroom. On exiting the washroom I found a lineup of my fellow sleep lab’ers – all taped up, tubed up, wired up, and looking the way I was feeling. (This cheered me slightly, by the way, because misery really does love company and we all looked ridiculous.)

At 3:30 I was fully hooked up, again, and back under the covers. The tech told me to “keep trying [my] best” and said goodnight again.

Right-o.

Mercifully-ish, I fell asleep a short while after that. I don’t know how.

And, of course, at 5:45 the techs started going from room to room to unhook everyone and send them home.

To say I was tired on waking would be to understate things significantly. Staggeringly tired.

The tech noted that he didn’t notice any significant apnea – but that the doctor would need to analyze all the assorted data to make the final determination of my sleep quality (oh, ha ha.). I’m not considered urgent, however, so my follow-up meeting with the doctor isn’t until February.

Worst fucking sleep I’ve had in a LONG time. Glad they caught THAT on tape.