My 2013 Stripper Horoscope is probably accurate even if I stay in my current job:
Cancer: Your sensitivity is one of your greatest gifts. You relate to people in an unspoiled fashion. But you also become easily hurt and disappointed by human behavior. Sometimes you’d rather curl up in a ball than face the unpleasantness of the world. But in 2013, attempt to break out of your shell a little more each day. After all, there is money to be made, and you can’t avoid the club forever just because the girl with the bad extensions stole your song and the manager said to lay off the Pizza Hut. Blow it off and let yourself shine!
But, goddammit, can I just punch the girl with the bad extensions a few times?